


Debris

by Aiden1999



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohlism is a no no, Angst, Bi-nosaurs, But definitely angst, But it's fine cuz they're okay with it, But karas just so sad, But supercorp is endgame, Domestic gay scenes warning, F/F, I don't think so but who knows?, I promise, I'm only here for that lady-loving kara shock factor, Is this a slow burn? Does this count?, Kara really loved mon el, Karas just a mess that needs to be held, Oh wait shes happy and gay and engaged, So many tropes is what I want, Someones being used for sex, Superfriends aren't as good of friends as they should be, That friends with benefits trope that benefits no one, There will be fluff, Whered alex the protective big sister, Wheres lena the caring best friend, With everyones favorite broken little puppy and badass ceo with a dark past but heart of gold, probably smut, smut will probably happen, there will be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2018-12-21 13:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11945244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiden1999/pseuds/Aiden1999
Summary: Kara is spiralling down a dark path. Everyone wants her to be good and super and light all the time. Everyone except Lena who only wants to help her. Kara thinks being human or trying to be was a mistake. She thinks letting herself become vulnerable and trying to create a life separate for herself, separate from supergirl was a mistake. She drinks more often now. She's cruel without meaning to be. And she doesn't know how to go on. She doesn't even know if she wants to keep being supergirl. Especially if it means giving up everything and everyone.Lena just wants her friend to heal and be happy. She doesn't want her to suffer alone like she did for so many years. She won't let Kara be alone.OrKara needs to feel distracted in anyway necessary and Lena is willing to help fuel her self-destructive ways. If only for a little while.OrThat friends with benefits trope we all love to hate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fanfic so be gentle. I don't know what I'm doing. But I aim to please.

The harsh sting of the alien alcohol provides Kara with as much relief as she can hope to feel these days. Mon-El’s been gone almost two weeks. Kara knows what the others have been thinking. She can hear those unspoken thoughts a lot more often than she'd like to admit. She should've moved on by now. She should've been somewhat better. She had saved the day. Millions of lives. Nevermind sacrificed the love of her life. 

J’onn and Alex had given her the previous week off but Kara soon learned the only way to dull the ache was work or alcohol. And the only alcohol that inebriated Kara was at the alien bar. Kara had been sitting at the counter, nursing a half empty glass for almost an hour by herself. Too many memories of Mon-El filled the place. She swore she could smell him vaguely still in the bar. So she drank more. Not to forget him but to lessen the intensity of missing him. And so many other wounds that were left gaping open after he had left. 

Glancing at the clock, Kara saw it was nearing one in the morning. She should go home. She should try to sleep although she hasn't been able to in a while. The nightmares still wake her up sometimes. Maybe she could fly for a while. It was cold out. A storm had just hit National City. Not enough to cause any real damage but enough so there were few people wanting to be out on the street. Kara thought it was perfect weather for a flight around the city.

***

The cold sting of rain and wind against her skin felt liberating. Like all the pain was being washed away. Like she was being washed away. Being cleansed from the pain of being human because she wasn't human. No, Kara was an alien. A proud kryptonian. Any other false identity she had adopted had been a mistake. Pretending to be something she wasn't was a mistake. Pretending she could be both Kara Danvers and supergirl was a mistake. It had cost her so much. Much more than was worth it, she was beginning to think. 

As Kara flew around the city she wasn't knowingly headed towards any specific destination. Yet a vague curiosity lead her to a certain CEOs window. Lenas office was one of the only windows still lit up at this hour. She hadn't spoken to her in almost two weeks. Kara had offered her a passing thank you as supergirl before she had fled to her apartment which she wouldn't leave for a week. 

She hadn't really spoken to anyone during that time. And everyone had understood the need for a mourning period. Then when she did come out of hibernation her avoidance of everyone just sort of continued, Lena unintentionally included in it. Kara felt a vague pang of guilt. The others, Winn, Alex, James, even Maggie. They had other things going on in their lives. They had distractions and other people. Lena had had Kara and L-Corp. 

Without really thinking, Kara lands with a thud onto Lenas balcony. A bit harder than intended. She wobbles slightly but quickly catches her balance. She was well passed intoxicated. But she needed to check on Lena. 

Kara bangs her fist against the class, meaning to tap it gently but ending up punching it. Almost breaking the glass but not quite. Lena jumps up from where she sat hunched over her desk. Her eyes widen at the sight of Kara, well, supergirl, on her balcony, first in surprise than in confusion. Lena quickly comes to let her in. 

“Supergirl? What are you doing here?”

Karas steps aren't as controlled as she'd like them to be as she makes her into Lena's office. “I came here, to, uh, see how y-you were doing. And to t-thank you. For helping Mon-El. And the city,” Kara stumbles along the words like she's trying to recall them as she speaks. Which she is. Karas not sure if any of that makes sense but she feels gratitude towards the youngest Luthor. She just doesn't know how to voice it. Especially while drunk.

When Kara glances up at Lena her eyes are full of worry. And disbelief. “Supergirl,” she asks, “Are you drunk?”

“T-that's irrelevant. I'm trying to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“Yes.”

“For?”

“Mon-El.”

“Mon-El?”

“Yes, you helped him. You helped him escape and you even waited until my call to release the lead into the air. Y-you're so...good, Lena. No matter what anyone says.”

“Supergirl, I don't-”

Kara falls back onto the couch, sitting down abruptly. Suddenly, it feels like a dam is breaking inside of her. She'd picked at too many cracks in her brain tonight. She drops her head into her hands. “God, I can't do this anymore.”

Lena stands quietly in what Kara guesses is shock for a second before quickly coming to sit beside Supergirl. She's cautious, sitting as close as she can get without actually touching her. “Do what, supergirl?”

Hot tears begin to collect in Kara's eyes despite her efforts to keep them inside. She thought she was all cried out after last week. “Superhero? human? Regular alien? Which one is the right one? None of them feel right anymore. I c-can't save-” Kara stops abruptly, seemingly lost in thought. “I couldn't even save the man I love.”

“Mon-El,” Kara can hear Lena's voice state gently after a moment. It wasn't a question. There was no judgment in her voice. So Kara kept going. 

“He was, we were, we were just starting to get good again. It was so good with him. I'd forgiven him and we were suppose to be together. He was suppose to stay with me.” Karas shoulders are shaking at this point. The tears are now streaking down her face after she's pulled her hands away from it. She realizes she didn't even notice when Lena wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Kara,” Lena voice cuts through the sobs. She knows she should be surprised at her name coming out of her lips but Karas too much of a mess to care. “I won't say it'll be okay because I honestly don't know. I won't say it'll hurt less ‘cause god knows I'm still hurting from events that happened years ago. But whatever pain or difficulty you're going through I'll be here, okay? Whatever you need, whenever you need. I'll be here.”

Kara doesn't stop crying but she nods her head slightly in acknowledgement. She places her head into the crook of Lena's neck as she holds her. Kara keeps crying until somehow she drifts off into dark unconsciousness.

***

Kara wakes up with the familiar taste of death and regret in her mouth. The usual telltale sign of having drank too much the previous night. Kara takes comfort in that familiar aspect. Then she realizes the sheets she's wrapped up in are way too soft to be hers. And she doesn't have this many pillows. “Oh, rao,” Kara mutters, sitting up. Her head is pounding in time with her heart. There was a window near her letting in way too much light. Her whole skull was vibrating in tight discomfort. Rubbing her head, that's when Kara noticed the pill and glass of water on the bed side table. Kara also notices she's in sweats and an MIT t-shirt that aren't her own. Reluctantly, she swallows what looks to be aspirin. 

“Oh, you're awake?” Lena says from the doorway, a stack of waffles and eggs on a tray in her hand. “I made breakfast.”

Lena walks around the bed to place the tray on the empty side of the bed besides Kara. She wipes her hands on her dark sweats, standing and gazing at Kara in uncertainty. “I know you like to eat a lot so I figured…” Lena starts then stops, seemingly unsure of what to do.

“What happened?” Kara asks.

Lena looks apprehensive. “What do you remember?”

“Embarrassing myself severely in your office and crying on your couch.”

“Right,” Lena says, smiling faintly. She rubs her forehead while looking over the food. “Well, you ended up falling asleep on me. And I had a private car drive us here. You were still in your...suit so I had the driver sign a non disclosure form. I figured letting you sleep in your suit probably wasn't comfortable so I changed you into some of my spare clothes.”

“Where did you sleep?” 

“On the couch.”

Kara winces. “Lena, I'm so sorry, I-”

“No, Kara, it's fine, really. You were having a bad night and I was happy to help.”

Kara laughs bitterly. “More like a bad week.”

Lenas eyes gaze over Kara in concern. Kara doesn't like the look of pity that seems to be forming as well.

“Kara, I hadn't realized…”

“What?”

“That you were hurting this bad,” Lena says.

Kara scoffs. “What do you mean? I'm fine.”

“Kara.”

“Lena, I'm fine really. And it's not your problem anyway.”

“Kara, don't do this.”

“Do what?”

“Push me away.”

“Lena, I'm really-”

“You're not okay and You're not gonna push me away. I know this game. You're in pain and you think you need to go through this alone but you don't have to. And you don't get to push me away.”

“Lena…”

“Kara, I'm your friend. I'm not gonna leave you alone right now.” 

Kara let's silence fill the room. She doesn't know what to say. She wasn't expecting this amount of intensity from Lena. She wasn't really expecting her to care this much. Not after she'd inadvertently ignored her for two weeks.

“Where's my suit?” Kara asks.

“I washed and folded it, I hope that's okay. It's on the coffee table in the living room.”

Kara nodding her head. She doesn't know why but it seems to pacify Lena. 

“What time is it?”

Lena glances at the smart watch on her wrist. “A quarter till eight.”

“I gotta go to work.” 

“As a reporter or…?”

Kara looks up at Lena, realizes she never actually said she was supergirl. But Lena seems to already know. She's not freaking out or asking questions. Kara’s grateful for that. 

“I have to write a puff piece on extraterrestrial pets.” 

Honestly, Kara could do the piece from home but she hasn't stepped foot in CatCo in four days and that seems to be pushing it. No one's really noticed except for Snapper. But his only comment suggested he was happy “sunshine on legs” was finally leaving him alone. If Kara goes into the office maybe she can get another assignment. Intergalactic criminals come and go but there's always a steady stream of stories to be written. Plenty to distract herself with.

“Are you sure you should go in today?” Lena asks.

“Lena, honestly, I'll be fine.”

“Okay but you should really have breakfast first. Before you leave.”

Kara glances at the tray beside her and the waffles stacked and drenched in syrup. Her stomach does a little grumple. “I guess I could eat,” Kara says. Lena smiles. “Great,” she says. 

Kara takes her food to Lena's kitchen table. She didn't wanna accidentally stain her very expensive feeling sheets. She finishes the whole stack of six waffles and side of eggs in less than fifteen minutes. She tells Lena she'll return her clothes later after she's showered and changed at her own apartment.

“Call me later, okay? Actually, you should stop by later for lunch at my office.”

Kara is surprised by the intensity of care in Lena's face. She didn't know if she deserved that level of care from her or anyone anymore. “Okay,” Kara says. 

Lena smiles. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? I tried my best, okay? I wrote this on no sleep and without any good fluff left. Cut me some slack. I'm only one small boy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst with a slight dash of fluff. Kara and Lena have a heart to heart. Honestly, I'm just waiting for them to get together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait till these two kids get together. I love angsty Kara. And I appreciate Mon-El as not a complete jerk. I actually really liked him at the end there. But he's gone and my otp needs to shine. I can't wait for the drama to ensue.

Lena wasn't use to caring for someone. Or caring for someone in the way she cares for Kara. She cared for Lex, sure. He was her big brother. The only person she had thought truly cared for her until he went insane. She cared for Lionel in the way daughters care for distant fathers. From a safe distance that rarely allowed vulnerability. But caring for Kara was different. 

She cared in a way that made her feel absolutely horrified that Kara had turned to drinking now. Yet she understood. Lena had a glass of wine whenever life became too hard to deal with as well. She couldn't really judge but she could be there when Kara needed her. Like how Lex or Lionel weren't there for her. She wouldn't Kara use alcohol as a crutch when Lena was very willing and committed to helping her friend. Lena could make sure Kara got better. That she could have some semblance of happiness. It was just a matter of knowing when Kara was falling apart and acting accordingly. Like any good friend should do. 

This morning with Kara had been a test run. A way to gain footing and experience for next time Kara had a drunken cry. Lena really couldn't stomach the thought of Kara drinking alone. 

Lena drank alone but that was only because she had no one to drink with. Kara was her only friend in all of National City, apart from maybe Jess, and she didn't even know Kara drank. Maybe she didn't. Maybe Kara only started drinking after what happened with the daxamites. After Mon-El had left unwillingly.

Lena couldn't imagine what Kara was going through. 

After what happened with the daxamites life returned to normal fairly quickly for Lena. She was a bit traumatized at the thought of almost forcibly becoming an alien bride/queen but a few glasses of wine and heavy workloads back at L-Corp lessened the residual shock and stress of it all. The only problem she really had was not seeing Kara. 

She knew Kara was probably still mourning Mon-el/Mike and she respected that. So she wasn't that upset at not seeing or hearing from her friend for nearly two weeks. But after learning Kara probably spent that time crying and drinking by herself Lena knew she couldn't let her friend pull away like that again. Lena had seen this road before. Back with Lex right before he'd hit his evil pique, crossing the line from eccentric genius to evil psychopath. Lena had also done this many times over in her teens and early twenties. 

She pulled away from people before they got close enough to see the mess she really was behind the cool, collected glamour she had honed as a Luthor. During her brother's trial, that had been the worst period. She'd cut off and pulled away from everyone. The few friends and allies she'd had. Lillian included. She kicked it up a notch and moved to a new city even. But then Kara Danvers came flying into her life, a beacon of light with vehement blind faith in her. Lena had never experienced that before. She didn't want any harm to come to her only friend if she could help it. That included harm of Kara’s own making.

***

As soon as she set foot in CatCo Snapper, of course, needed to comment on her lack of punctuality and presence. Kara choose to ignore him. That seemed to be her favorite method of dealing with things these days. Ignoring what she didn't wanna deal with. And silence. Silence was a great tool, Kara had realized. 

By not speaking as much she didn't take the risk of sticking her neck too far out there and drawing attention or trouble. Silence was how she was managing to avoid Alex, Winn, James and even Snapper, apparently. Cat and J’onn were a different story though.

“Kara,” Cat said as she leaned against the front of her desk, facing Kara. Which was still weird for Kara. Hearing her actual name come out of Cat Grant’s lips.

“Yes, Miss Grant?”

“What is this?”

Cat held up the rough draft of Kara's puff piece on alien pets. Tangling it at the tip of her fingers like it held a disease. 

“A puff piece on extraterrestrial pets?”

“Yes, correct, a puff piece.” She was looking at Kara imploringly. Like Kara should be getting something by now except she wasn't.

“I don't understand what you're getting at, Miss Grant.”

She scoffed. “Kara, you are suppose to be a real, intelligent, cunning reporter now. You're suppose to be writing pieces that demand attention and make the world a little less terrible.” Cat held up the paper again. “I don't think this is gonna cut it.”

Kara didn't understand what the feeling in her stomach was. It felt almost like anger except she wasn't angry. She was just tired. 

“What do you suggest I write about then, Miss Grant?”

Cat narrowed her eyes at Kara. “Something super. Use your limited imagination. But no more puff pieces. They are pointless and shouldn't be wasted on someone of your untapped and unused talent.”

Kara bristles at the backhanded compliment. Not sure whether to feel insulted or complimented but the she figures it doesn't matter. She can add Cat Grant to the list of people she's disappointed or in the process of disappointing. 

Kara doesn't want to but she slinks to Snappers office to get his harsher than necessary input. She makes sure to avoid walking around James’s office on her way there.

***

Even after half an hour has passed since lunchtime ended, Lena is still waiting for Kara to show up. Lena even had Jess order potstickers for Kara. Enough for three people. She's buried deep in filling out reports and expenditures to distract herself from Kara not being there when Kara actually arrives. 

“Sorry, Sorry!” Kara says when she slips into Lena's office followed by a disgruntled Jess. 

Jess looks to Lena in irritation. “She just ran in, Miss Luthor, I-” 

Lena holds up a hand. “It's fine, Jess.” 

Kara looks in between the two of them in uncertainty. “You can go, Jess,” Lena says.

Her annoyed assistant lets out a small huff before exiting the office. Kara turns towards Lena, hair windswept and cheeks pink. “Sorry, I'm sorry. I had a last minute story Snapper gave me and I had to interview a-”

“Kara, it's fine,” Lena says. “Really. Just sit and breathe. I got potstickers.”

Kara's eyes brighten at the mention of potstickers. She takes a seat at Lena's couch while Lena fetches the numerous contaibers of potstickers and napkins. 

“It's a good thing I'm starving,” Kara says.

***

They eat in silence at first while Kara focuses on devouring potsticker after potsticker. After she finishes chewing the majority of her food, Kara and Lena talk about everything from L-Corps impending projects to Kara's new assignment and her irritation with Snapper. 

They keep it light and casual. Nothing too heavy for a quick midday lunch. It feels false to Kara somehow. Like they're tiptoeing around Kara's confession from last night. And Lena seems to be getting the same feeling. 

“Kara,” she says, placing her hand on Kara's knee. “I hope you don't think I'm ignoring what you told me last night. I'm just trying to give you time to breathe, I guess, and let you decide whether or not you wanna talk about it.”

“No, I get it. I appreciate that,” Kara says, fidgeting with the hem of her sweater. She thinks of what to say. How much should she reveal to Lena? What's too much and what's too little? She wants to be honest since she doesn't really have anyone else in her life she can talk to like this. Someone who kinda gets it and won't judge her. Won't hold her to some impossible standard. But she doesn't wanna scare Lena away with too much too fast. 

Again, Lena seems to be able to just peek inside Kara's mind. She squeezes Kara's knee as she says, “you can tell me anything, you know.” As an afterthought she adds, “I won't judge you or runaway.”

Kara is actually starting to think Lena is a mind reader and wouldn't that make everything easier?

Kara takes a breath before deciding what she wants to say. “It's been hard since...the daxamites left. Everything is just...harder.”

Kara decided at the last second not to mention Mon-El. Lena leans in towards Kara. “What do you mean?”

“I just, my heart isn't really in anything anymore. Not in reporting or superhero...ing, I guess. It just doesn't feel the same,” Kara meets Lena’s sympathetic eyes. “Like it's not worth it anymore.” 

“You don't wanna be a reporter or supergirl anymore?” Lena asks.

“No. Yes. I-I don't know anymore. It's just I've been thinking what's the point? The DEO has been taking care of things before I ever came along and they have guardian now. Miss Grant thinks I'm not ‘living up to my full potential’, whatever that means since I only write puff pieces. I just-” Kara open and closes her mouth, trying to find the right words. “I just don't think I'm necessary anymore. As Supergirl or Kara Danvers.”

Kara leaves out how missing Mon-El is also the reason life seems drabber and more difficult to deal with. How the pain keeps her up at night and takes her to the alien bar more often than she'd like. How drinking dulls the pain and the stress. Kara leaves that out. Career crises seem to be a simpler and more Kara Danvers-like issue than a budding alcoholism which Kara really didn't wanna think about.

Kara is brought back out of her train of thought by the increased pressure placed on her knee. When she meets Lena's eyes again Kara can't believe the amount of distress she finds there. “Kara, you won't ever be unnecessary. I can't speak to Supergirls level of need but crime has seemingly been down since your arrival. But even then, reporter, superhero, or ordinary citizen, Kara Danvers will never be unnecessary.” Lena seems to be trying to pour as much as she could into these words. “You, Kara Danvers, are completely necessary. Totally integral, even. Who else would I give leftover potstickers to or have lunch with?”

Kara allows herself a small smile. “You raise a good point with the potstickers.”

Lena's grin relaxes Kara, takes down the level of anxiety throbbing in her chest slightly. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“After the amount of angst I just laid on you, I think it's only fair.”

“What do you usually do to feel better?” Lena asks. 

Drinking immediately comes to Kara's mind. She expels the thought quickly though. Something tells her that's not an answer Lena would appreciate. Kara tries to remember what she use to do before Mon-El. Before there was one person she put everything into.

“I use to watch movies with my sister,” Kara says. “Musicals usually.”

“Really?” Lena seems genuinely intrigued. Like she wasn't expecting that kind of answer. 

“Yeah. Funny Face was the first movie I ever saw when I came to Earth. Alex always use to put that on or other musicals we liked when I was home sick. And the tradition just sorta stuck.” Kara prevents herself from saying how the tradition sort of fizzled out sometime after Alex met Maggie and before Kara started dating Mon-El. Kara can't remember the last time they had a sister movie night. Kara can't even remember the last time her and her sister had any real alone time together.

“We should have one,” Lena says, breaking Kara out of her depressing train of thought.

“What?”

“We should have a musical movie night. If it'll make you feel better we should totally have one.”

“You don't have to do that.”

“Kara, you're not the only one who loves musicals. And I wanna hangout with you outside of my office unless you don't want-”

“No, no, I do.”

Lena smiles triumphantly. “Great. So when are you free?”

Kara grins in spite of herself at how easily Lena trapped her. She's missed this banter. Not just with Lena but with her friends in general. “Well, I guess you could come over this weekend?”

“Excellent. It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I apologize. I did the best I could again. All I ask is you comment and be gentle. I just want them to be together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff-tastic friend date. Will be followed by angst. I apologize. But you know, there's fluff below so there you go. I need Kara to be angst ridden for that good ol character development and story arc. So I can get to that point in the story where smut isn't weird or unexpected and they can bone and we can enjoy reading about it because we love them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All this so I can get to the real fluff and that good ol smut. I'm really just waiting for Alex's shocked face. I eat that shit up. Anyway, here's two friends having a platonic friend date and Kara acting accordingly to how the story needs her to act.

On Saturday Lena arrives at Kara's door at exactly five o'clock. Way too over dressed for Kara's liking. Yet she honestly doesn't know what she was expecting from the CEO she's never seen in anything that could actually be considered casual.

“What are you wearing?” Kara asks, laughing. 

“What?” Lena asks, glancing down at her outfit. “Its casual.”

“Business casual. That's almost a suit.”

“It's a dress.”

“If you added a coat it'd be a suit.”

Lena smiles incredulously at Kara. “Well,what would you have me wear then, Miss Danvers?”

Lena says the statement with just enough suggestion to cause the tips of Kara's ears to burn pink. She shakes off the momentary blush. “I have some extra pjs.”

“Pjs?”

“Yeah, it's a movie night, Lena. What else do you wear during movie nights?”

“I wouldn't know. I've never been to a movie night.”

“What?” Kara asks in disbelief. “That's insane.”

“Not when you're a Luthor.”

Kara struggles with what to say to that, her face twisting into various awkward expressions before she says, “Oh. Yeah.” She goes to get lena sone pjs to change into as she says, “I forget sometimes.”

She can hear Lena chuckle from her bedroom. “It's cute you could forget that,” Lena says once Kara comes back into the living room. 

“How?”

“That's a pretty big thing to forget. Some would say it's the most important thing about me.”

“Lena, your last name or family have nothing to do with you,” Kara says, moving through the kitchen. She keeps the conversation going as she begins the process of making popcorn. “I mean they're your past but your last name isn't who you are.”

Lena rounds the kitchen isle. She stands on the left side of Kara as the blonde waits for the timer on the microwave to go off. “Who am I then?” Lena asks, a teasing lilt in her voice.

Kara matches her stare with a confident smile. “You're Lena Luthor. Tech genius extraordinaire. Billionaire CEO. Decent cook and great friend to Kara Danvers.”

Lena raises her eyebrows. “Decent cook?” She asks.

“I've had better waffles.”

“No, you haven't.”

“You're right. I haven't. But still, those eggs were kinda dry.”

“Excuse me for not having perfect breakfast cooking skills but I'll have you know I make exquisite French toast.” 

“I believe you. But right now the focus is popcorn.”

Kara holds up two separate packages. 

“Extra butter or kettle corn?”

***

After several bowls of kettle corn and regular popcorn have been poured, Lena and Kara retire to the couch to watch the most classic musical of all time: Grease. ( “Most classic isn't grammatically correct, I don't think,” Lena had said when Kara had told her her movie choice. Kara had stuck out her tongue in response.)

Lena is dressed in the most Lena-like pj bottoms Kara could find. Black and white plaid ones with an old matching Ramones t-shirt Kara had stolen from Alex years ago and wasn't ever planning to give back. Kara is humming along to Beauty School Dropout when she notices Lena’s stare. 

“What?” Kara asks.

“Nothing,” Lena says, shrugging , “I'm just happy you're enjoying yourself.”

Kara's crinkle wrinkles as she looks at Lena. “Of course I'm enjoying myself. It's Grease. And I'm two bowls deep in kettle corn.” Kara flicks a few pieces of kettle corn into her mouth. “I am having a blast,” she says with her mouth semi full. 

Lena laughs. “Well, I'm glad.” 

They continue to watch the rest of the movie in silence except for Kara's quiet humming. She hasn't felt this...light in a while. Not since she was with Mon-El. If Lena's intentions were to make her feel better it was working if just by distracting her from everything else that wasn't John Travolta singing and dancing.

For once there was no nagging thoughts berating her head, begging to be drowned out by liquor or ignored by working herself raw. The thoughts were still present but they were quiet. Kara could pretend they didn't exist while she flicked popcorn at Lena and hummed along to There Are Worse Things I Could Do.

***

During their in between movies break built in for more snacks and bathroom runs, a conversation concerning movie preferences commences. During which Kara discovers Lena has never seen Nightmare on Elm St.

“It's a classic, Lena,” Kara exclaims. “How can you have never seen it?”

Lena meets Kara’s eyes with a disbelief at how passionate she is over the topic. “Because I hate horror films?”

“You what?!”

Lena lets loose a small chuckle at the look on Kara's face. “I don't like horror films. I've never been into the whole willingly let myself get scared thing.”

“Lena,” Kara says, placing her hand on Lena’s arm. “We have to watch it now. You don't know what you're missing.”

“A terrible, horrifying, nightmare-inducing experience I managed to avoid as a child?”

“No, a great cinematic experience.”

Lena chuckles incredulously. “Really? A great cinematic experience?”

“Yes, we have to watch it. And if you get scared like a scaredy cat then you can always hide behind me,” Kara states with a grin. 

Lena seems to contemplate the statement before agreeing reluctantly, under the condition more blankets will be provided in case of quickly needed cover. Kara agrees and goes to work searching for the movie through her dvd collection. 

***

Kara hadn't anticipated how frightened Lena would actually get. She was cowering against Kara's shoulder, blanket held closely up to her face. She reminds Kara of a little kid. Dressed in Kara's extra pjs and staring at the TV in fear and anticipation while nestled against Kara's arm for protection. 

Kara had never seen Lena like this. This...relaxed and unprofessional. Kara appreciates the fact that Lena was allowing her to see her like this. It made her miss seeing her sister in a similar manner. But Kara quickly fought that thought and focused on the movie.

It was a jump scare moment and Lena totally fell for it. Kara felt her whole body jump as she let loose a tiny scream. She rammed her head behind Kara's arm, blanket pulled over her face. Kara couldn't believe what she was witnessing. 

Lena was usually so sure of herself and overtly confident in almost all aspects of her life Kara had been privy to.

To see her now looking like a scared little kid hiding behind Kara because of cheap eighties horror make up and a creepy soundtrack...Kara was enjoying this way too much. 

She let herself be used as a human shield and decided not to comment. She didn't wanna risk Lena realizing she'd let some very high walls down. She decided to enjoy Lena's reactions in secret, only halfway paying attention to the movie. She'd already seen it a dozen times anyway.

***

Kara had fell asleep at some point during the movie. When she wakes up the whole room is shrouded in darkness except for city lights streaming in through her windows. There was a weight on her chest and legs. 

Glancing down, Kara stares at the top of Lena's head, resting right above her chest. She had fallen asleep on Kara probably around the same time Kara herself had fallen asleep. She snatches her phone from the table, trying not to move too much. She didn't wanna wake Lena. 

The phone said it was barely two in the morning. Kara contemplates a course of action. She could move them to Kara's bed and risk waking Lena or let them stay where they were on the couch and risk Kara waking up with searing back pain. 

Gingerly, Kara attempts to get out from underneath Lena. She manages to maneuver her top half into an upright position before Lena begins to make incoherent noises. 

Throwing caution to the wind, Kara uses her super speed to pick up Lena bridal style. She stills in cases Lena stirs again. 

After a few seconds of silence without any sign of movement from Lena, Kara makes her way to her bedroom. She places Lena down gently onto the side of the bed that wasn't Kara's. Flicks the blanket over her and tucks her in like Eliza use to when she was young and new to Earth. 

Kara ponders whether or not to get in bed beside her but the thoughts are back now. 

With Lena asleep and everything drenched in darkness, the thoughts are free to be as loud as they want now. They tell Kara to move on already. That she'll never be good enough to be supergirl or a CatCo worthy reporter. That she can't be both. That it's her fault Mon-Els’ gone. That he's never coming back and it's her fault. It's always her fault.

Kara needs a drink. 

Snatching a jacket from her sofa and her sneakers from the ground, she decides she needs to take a walk to the bar. She wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. Especially next to Lena. She'd worry too much over whether or not she'd have another nightmare, one worse enough to wake up both Kara and Lena. 

Kara is better off alone right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I just wanted to make something nice and honestly there's one scene I can't wait to put on here that's already written so every chapter till then is just killing time until I can finally put it out into the world with context. Please comment. It makes me feel good about myself. I need that validation. Also, you're right. This chapter was shorter than the rest because its one in the morning and I can't use the bathroom because there's a spider in there and I'm afraid it'll get me. Writing is really hard, okay? I just want people to like me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends being domestic together. Does pet shopping count as domestic? Who knows. Anyway, another attractive fictional tv brunette makes a surprise cameo I totally didn't see coming.

After Cadmus fell and the Daxamites had fled, alien-related crime didn’t diminish but most of it wasn't so severe as to require Supergirls involvement. But the DEO loved to keep her busy so of course they send her towards a hostile alien in the center of the city who was probably just drunk and having a bad day. He reeked of a familiar cocktail Kara had become familiar with at the bar. 

He wasn’t really causing any bodily harm to the citizens who had been there previously before Kara had arrived. But he was breaking benches and pushing down trees as she stumbled about through the park. He was about the size of two Karas’. Probably just as strong. 

Kara didn’t want to hurt him. She really didn’t. After not exiting the bar until four this morning, Kara felt more like staying in bed to avoid confrontation than to go out there looking for it. 

She was riding the precipice between still being inebriated and stumbling into a hangover. She felt especially languid this afternoon. Like her whole body had been sedated. 

But then the rogue alien decided to throw a tree at Kara after her numerous attempts to talk and reason with him. And the several pints of alcohol still fogging her brain told her the alien deserved to get punched. 

Who was he to mess up a pretty park and ruin everyone’s day? What if there’d been kids who’d been hurt? 

Justification surges through Kara’s veins as she flies at the alien. It kept her body moving of its own accord as Kara knocks him to the ground and began hitting the grotesque structure of his face repeatedly. 

She keeps punching until she hears what sounds like screams at the back of her mind. She didn’t realize there was blood on her hands until she heres Alex yell, “that’s enough, Supergirl!”

She didn’t realize that her fists actually ached somewhat until she stopped using them. She glances at the alien beneath her. He was breathing. There was so much blood. Too much for Kara to handle.

She slides off of him and walks towards Alex since she knew she wouldn’t be able to run away. Or fly away. The slight buzz she still had lessened the fear she felt simmering underneath Alex’s glare. “DEO. Now.”

Kara knew it meant they’d talk about this very soon. But she was grateful for the chance to escape the look her sister was giving her. 

***

When both Alex and J’onn showed up wearing matching expressions at the DEO, Kara could feel the disappointment sizzling and expanding around her. Drowning her in it. She’d failed again. She messed up. Rao, she wishes she had a drink handy. 

“You went way too far today,” Alex starts. “That Hellgrammite almost lost consciousness due to blood loss. That was way too excessive for drunken disorderly conduct.”

When Alex said ‘drunken disorderly conduct’, Kara thought briefly she was talking about her. But ignored the thought as Alex kept ranting about protocols, responsibility, keeping Kara’s powers in check and civic duty. J’onn stood silently by and didn’t say a word. Only glowered with disappointment Kara felt deep within her.

“You’re Supergirl, the whole city looks up to you. You’re an example to all citizens of National City. You’re a force for good. You can’t just lost yourself like that. You can’t be smashing drunk alien’s faces in. You’re better than that.” Kara winced.

After Alex was done chewing her out, Kara couldn’t find it in herself to justify her actions. Or even think about anything other than needing a drink. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, shoulders sagging and eyes lowered. “It won’t happen again.”

Alex stares at Kara, surprise becoming apparent in her face before leaving just as quickly as it came. “Well, good,” she said. J’onn suggested Kara go home.

Kara was more than happy to leave.

***

Kara was two drinks in at the bar when she saw Maggie. 

Maggie who she cared for and respected even though she had a monopoly on Alex’s time. Maggie who also thought the city didn’t need Supergirl as much as the DEO thought it did. Maggie who she’d managed to avoid in the bar very well up to this point. Maggie who just made eye contact with Kara and was coming over to where she sat at the bar counter. 

“Hey, Maggie,” Kara says, smiling and trying to sound as friendly and sober as possible. 

“Little Danvers,” Maggie says. She eyes the almost empty glass in front of Kara. “What’s that you're drinking?”

If it was after work hours or even early evening Kara wouldn’t feel so ashamed saying it was anything but non-alcoholic. But it was barely four in the afternoon and Kara knew drinking during the day was a big no no. Especially for someone like herself who was “better than that” as Alex had put it. 

Something like this was almost as bad as committing assault for someone like Kara whom was held to a higher standard, an impossible standard by almost everyone in her life. Everyone except Lena it seemed. Which is why Kara needed to lie. 

“It’s Coke,” Kara said. “But I’m basically done with it and it’s gone a little flat anyway and no one likes flat soda, am I right?”

Maggie gives her look. Kara can tell she doesn’t believe her.

“Anyway, I have to get going. I have to go...feed my fish.”

“Feed your fish?” Maggie asks.

“Yes?”

“I didn’t know you had a fish.”

“Well, I do. He’s a new fish. Very new. His name is...Jack.”

Kara’s eyes had quickly landed on the bottle of Jack Daniels tucked behind the counter. 

“Jack?” Maggie asked, definitely not believing her.

“Yup, Jack. Good ol Jack the fish. Anyway, I have to go feed him. Like now. So I’ll see you later. Bye, Maggie,” and with that, Kara basically ran out of the bar.

***

“What do you mean you need a fish?” Lena asks through the phone. 

“I kinda lied to someone about having a fish so I need to buy one now.”

“Wh-, how do you even get yourself into that situation?”

“It’s a semi-long story that’s unimportant right now but do you wanna go to the pet store with me? I’d like some moral support for when I become the parent of a fish.”

***

Lena trails behind Kara as they walk through the many brightly lit tanks full of varying kinds of fish. Kara is completely indecisive. 

“Which one should I get?”

“I don’t know. It’s your pretend fish. It’s your decision.”

“It’s not a pretend fish. After this point, it’ll be a real fish with a home and a name and a backstory. I’ll actually own a fish.”

“Tell me, do you actually want a fish?”

“Not particularly but I mean, I wouldn’t mind a fish. They seem nice and easy to take care of.”

“Have you ever had a pet before?”

“No, my foster parents didn’t really want animals in the house. Then after I became Cat Grant’s assistant I got too busy to ever properly care for one.”

Lena stands beside Kara as they gaze at goldfish. “Remind me, why did you lie to your sister’s fiance about owning a fish?”

Kara’s face burns as she blushes. “It’s complicated.”

“Why do you need to actually buy a fish?. Is she gonna check your apartment to verify your very weird story?”

“She might! Her and Alex are both law enforcement. Maggie’s a detective. She detects. It’s a very plausible scenario that she takes one look around my apartment and knows I don’t have a fish.”

Lena smiles, amusement brightly apparent in her face. Kara turns a corner and stumbles upon fishes placed in tiny round containers of water on a shelf. She glances the Betta Fish sign above them. Immediately, her heart goes out to them.

“Who puts fish in such a tiny container? That’s so mean. They’re so isolated. They probably feel so alone.” Kara bends down so she’s face to face with several of the containers. She watches the fish float languidly before she makes her decision. 

“I want this one!” Kara exclaims, pointing at a glittering blue one. The tiniest fish in all of the containers. Kara thought it looked like the most fish in need of love and support, craving attention and care. Lena nods her head as if to say, ‘good choice’.

“We should get a bowl and food then.”

“Can we get those colorful little rocks and tiny castles they put in tanks.”

“Yes, Kara.”

“Awesome.”

***

They’re glancing over the assorted variety of fish tank castles they have in the pet store when someone exclaims, “Lena!”

Kara jumps in reaction. 

She turns towards the voice, totally prepared to throw herself in front of the Luthor out of pure reflex. But the source of the voice is a smiling brunette woman. She’s looking at Lena like she knows her. And Lena’s looking at her in the same way.

“Emily?” She ask. Lena takes a few steps towards the woman. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in London.”

“I was. But I was transferred again. This time to National City.”

“Wow. That’s great.”

“Yeah, I had no idea you moved until I landed the other day.”

Kara doesn’t know what exactly what she’s feeling but she knows it makes her uncomfortable and she doesn’t like it. 

She’s use to being awkward but not this awkward. Especially when it seems her best friend has forgotten her. Until Emily glances at Kara and takes pity on her. “Oh, I apologize. How rude of me,” she says, turning to face Kara. She holds out hand as she says, “I’m Emily.”

Lena seems then to remember Kara’s existence. “Oh, yes. Emily, this is Kara Danvers, reporter at CatCo and very good friend of mine. Kara, this is Emily Prentiss, she works for the FBI.”

Kara notices Lena’s subtle omission of her relationship to Emily. She stores that away in her mind for later as she shakes Emily’s hand. “Hi, nice to meet you,” she says, putting on her best smile.

“How long have you been here for?” Lena asks. 

“Just a few days. I haven’t really had time to be anywhere besides my apartment and the office.”

“Oh, we should totally go out for dinner sometime. Catch up and see who's had more fun.”

Emily laughs. “Yeah, I’d love that. But I gotta get going though. I only came because I ran out of Sergio’s favorite cat food. You still have my number so call me.” 

She hugs Lena before glancing towards Kara. “It was nice to meet you, Kara.”

“You too,” Kara says. Her smile is still uncomfortably plastered to her face as Emily exits the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think to include Emily Prentiss in this until I was actually writing it and realized I couldn't think of a name to give to the other woman. So Emily is a stand in. Its easier this way. I'm not completely okay with her presence here but, like, it happened and I'm not gonna fix it. It is what it is.
> 
> I do so enjoy awkward Kara who doesn't know what to do with herself and doesn't understand emotions. Also, alcoholism is bad and you shouldn't do it.
> 
> Also please comment and click that kudos button if you didn't completely hate this chapter. Like I know it's a big hassel but please. For me. My self worth is only valued at how many people comment and leave kudos. So, you know. Do that. Also, I appreciate you. You're a good person.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Lena's a bi-nosaur. Who knew? And I guess sexuality is a thing we should talk about? I don't know. I'm just killing time till the smut.

After Jack’s larger than necessary tank has been set up in Kara's living room, plastic castle in place and Jack secured within, Lena and Kara have an early dinner. Kara has potstickers because what else would she eat? And Lena smiles in amusement at the enthusiasm and speed at which the alien eats them.

“You know it's not a race, right?” Lena asks.  
“I'll have you know this is slow paced dining compared to some other aliens.” 

“Do other aliens also talk with their mouths full?”

Kara light heartedly swats at Lena's shoulder. She giggles in response. They eat in silence for a few seconds before Kara brings up the one thing that's been on her mind since they left the pet store.

“So Emily…” Kara starts. Then stops. Not exactly sure where she was going with that sentence. “How do you guys know each other?” She finally manages to think up.

Lena glances at the wall behind Kara. Her usual confidence and bluster diminishing slightly at the question. 

“Well, I met Emily at a Luthor Corp. gala a few years ago. Our mothers knew each other,” She states easily. She seems to struggle with the next bit slightly, her lips stalled as if deciding whether or not to continue. Her brief lip bite giving an indication of doubt. A signal most wouldn't notice unless they had witnessed Lena during one of the rare times she let the walls of her cutthroat CEO persona come down. Like she was doing right now across from Kara.

“Her and I. We use to date.” Lena finally states.

Kara doesn't know what she was expecting to hear. But it sure wasn't that.

“Oh.” Her face burns at how high her voice is as it squeaks out the word.

Lena stares at Kara probingly. Worry wrinkling the skin around her eyes. “Is that okay...with you?” She asks. Like she's afraid to hear the answer. Which Kara thinks is ridiculous. Her sister is a lesbian, for rao’s sake. So she says that.

“No, no. Of course I'm okay with that. Alex is lesbian. And so is Maggie. Her fiance. She's a lesbian. They're both lesbians.” Kara is mortified at her inability to know when to stop talking. And yet she keeps going. “But what about Jack?”

Kara's mind goes to the ex she was sure Lena considered as the one who got away. The male ex. With a beard.

Lena laughs. “Kara, you know bisexuals exist, right? We're not an anomaly. Or did they not have those on Krypton.” Kara knows Lena probably only meant it in a teasing way but she answers anyway.

“No, they were there. Definitely. But Kryptonians have different customs and values than Earth. Sexuality was like a...irrelevant thing. Plus, I left before I could even consider any of that stuff.”

“Consider that stuff?”

“I was a kid when I left. I didn't exactly have the full understanding of sexuality like all adult Kryptonians did but I do remember some aspects.”

“Like?” Lena gazes at Kara intently. Genuinely curious. 

“Well, on Krypton sexuality was really...secondary, I guess. People were born with predisposed purposes, with a role already set out for them in life. And marriages were more about compatible intellects and positions in life. Gender wasn't really a factor.”

Lena nods her head in thought. “Sounds so…business like.”

“I guess. Most things were about efficiency and purpose.”

“Well, what do you think about it?”

Kara brain stalls for a moment. “About what?”

“Bisexuality. Sexuality, in general.”

Kara contemplates what she wants to say. She has a vague understanding of what she wants to say. But she doesn't know how to say it. At least in a way that makes perfect sense. But she gives it a shot anyway. 

“I think it doesn't matter which gender a person sleeps with since it's not the gender they're choosing, its the person. People fall for people. Not labels.” She glances up at Lena. “Did that make sense? I don't really think about this kinda stuff.”

“No, I understand what you're trying to say and I agree. It's about the person. Not the gender or whatever other label people try to stick to other people.”

“Exactly,” Kara says, although it feels like she's missing something. Like a part of an equation she's trying to solve. Like an answer or realization just out of reach. 

After letting their last statements simmer out into the air between them, Kara realizes they'd gone off the topic she'd originally been interested in. “So what happened between Emily and you?” Kara asks.

Lena face turns contemplative. Her eyes glaze over as if recalling forgotten memories.

“Well, we dated for nearly two years. It was one of my more serious relationships. I thought she or I might propose. I knew she wanted to get married. But this was all right before the mess with Lex and the trial. She was already a workaholic and then I had to take over as acting CEO and find a way for the company to turn around profitably. We had very little time for each other, especially when Emily got transferred to London so we eventually called a quits.”

“Is that when you moved to National City?”

“What?” Lena asks, broken out of whatever stupor she'd been in. “Oh, yes. I needed a new start as did L Corp. And the rest is history, as they say.” 

“Hmm,” Kara says. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. It was a long time ago. we've both moved on. I've dated new people as I'm sure she has as well.” 

Kara ponders briefly what new people has Lena dated and why hasn't she heard about them until tonight. But she doesn't dwell on it long. Not when there's still four potstickers left.

***

Lena leaves Kara's apartment with the promise she'll call and see how Jack is doing tomorrow. The thought of caring for the little fish seems to equally overwhelm and excite Kara.

Lena's just glad there's something to take her mind off of whatever it is that has bags appearing beneath Kara's eyes. 

She's been looking consistently out of it and unwell since Mon-El’s departure. Which is understandable. But it's almost been a month and Kara doesn't seem to have gotten any better. Except for her willingness to spend time with Lena again. 

She wonders how Kara acts around her other friends. She wonders if anyone's said anything to her about the uncharacteristic gloom she seems to be carrying around with her. 

She knows Kara tries to hide it behind her bright smiles and awkward rambles. But she can see the cracks in Kara's exterior. Can see how she calculates how to act appropriately sometimes. Like she doesn't know how to anymore.

Lena's worried. 

She knows Kara drinks now. More than she did before. She doesn't know the extent or frequency of her consumption but she knows Kara's breath is littered with the familiar smell sometimes when they meet for dinner or during random visits from Kara dressed as supergirl on her balcony. 

Lena doesn't really know what to make of it. Or what to do about it. Or even if she should do anything. 

It's Kara's business how she copes until it becomes destructive. Kara hasn't talked with her about it yet. Lena just hopes she does soon. 

Lena can't stomach the thought of Kara suffering in isolation, drowning her problems in alcohol while Lena was more than willing and available to comfort her through any means necessary.

Maybe she'd try to broach the subject next time they saw each other. Lena could only hold herself back for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're right. It is the shortest chapter so far and I did try to space out the paragraphs to make it seem longer. Did it work?
> 
> So who thinks Kara is queer? Kryptonians are very evolved. But Kara was raised mostly on Earth so she's probably a bit screwed up. I mean, besides being a barely-functioning alcoholic. Give her a break though. She had to sacrifice her boyfriend for the fate of her city. She deserves a drink. But she's pushing it 
> 
> I just can't wait till someone that's not Lena finally notices. Like *ahem* her sister? Or her so called friends? What's that about?
> 
> Oh yeah. Comment and kudos please. Enjoy your day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Kara has an adventure. Not a big one, just like a cute, good looking, brunette adventure, you know. You probably don't know which is why you should read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, this was written on a whim very late at night and not edited at all. Excuse the mistakes. Please be gentle. I just wanna get to my favorite scene.

If Kara believed in the universe as an intelligent being, she would say it was plotting against her. CatCo today had been especially brutal. First, there was the deadline she barely made. 

The rough draft Snapper threw away right in front of Kara with an order to, “Start over. Give me something that doesn’t spit in the face of AP Style.” Then there was Cat Grant stating briefly in passing by Kara’s desk that, “I hope I wasn’t wrong about you, Kiera.” Which Kara was starting to think she might’ve been. 

Even having to pass by James’s office, an incident she couldn’t help since no one else seemed to wanna restock the toner in the printer. 

Kara couldn’t help feel so...left out when she saw Winn and Jame huddled together around his desk. Plotting their next Guardian adventure, no doubt, heads nestled together and whispering. Not even noticing Kara standing a few feet away just outside the door. Before they could, Kara thought it’d be best to keep walking. 

Rao, as much as Kara didn’t feel up for a fight anymore, she did miss plotting. 

After work, Kara was on autopilot as she walked to the bar. That’s where her feet usually took after work most days. She glanced around briefly when she entered, searching for any sign of Maggie or Alex. She didn’t need to run into them or anyone from the DEO right now. She could do without having to explain herself. 

Kara took her usual spot at the counter and her usual drink was placed in front of her before she could even open her mouth. The new bartender they had hired after Mon-El, a blue skinned guy with very humanoid-seeming anatomy, smiled and nodded at her in some sort of barkeep-patron understanding. Kara thought his name might be Louis. 

 

Kara matches his smile in gratitude. Even if she was brooding, she could still be polite to those who had nothing to do with it. 

Lost in her thoughts, trying to think about anything but the ache she still felt everywhere, Kara didn’t notice the stranger who’d taken a seat on the stool next to her. 

“Hey,” a voice say from the periphery of Kara’s vision. Kara glances up at a woman. Not a human woman from the look of her pointed ears, barely hidden behind dark locks of wavy hair. She gazes at Kara expectantly. 

“Hi?”

“Do you come here often?”

“Uh, yes? I guess.”

“Funny. I’ve never seen you around before.”

“Uh,” Kara racks her brain for possible ideas of what was happening, “Yeah. That’s hilarious.”

The woman slid the tiniest bit closer to Kara. “I’d remember your face if I saw it before,” she states. “Can I get your number?”

Then Kara get its. Her face becoming the embodiment of the “Oh!” she lets out. If she wasn’t slightly buzzed already, Kara was sure her blush would be exceedingly more severe. “Uh, sorry, I’m not, I don’t-”

“Date aliens?”

“No! I do. I love aliens.”

“Don’t say you have alien friends,” the woman laughs.

“I do, though, actually. And I am one. An alien.”

“Oh,” the woman says. She looks over Kara in surprise. “The cardigan could’ve fooled me.”

Kara glances down at her outfit. “Are you saying aliens don’t wear cardigans?”

“Not ones quite that yellow.”

Kara scoffs, offended. “If you’re trying to hit on me, you’re doing a terrible job.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I’d try to frat guy approach.”

Kara stares at her in question. 

“You know, compliment you then insult you into giving me your number? It usually works.”

“That’s a terrible strategy.”

“Yeah, well, I also bet that guy over there that I could get your number only using terrible pickup lines,” she says, pointing at a guy covered in scales by the pool table. “Don’t make me a liar please. I really don’t wanna lose a hundred bucks.”

“A hundred bucks?” Kara asks in shock. “That’s a lot of money for a small bet.”

The woman grins. “Yeah, well, I was sure I could get your number.”

Kara laughs. She is oddly...charmed. But Kara’s still apprehensive about handing out her number to random aliens she meets in bars. And, apparently, the woman can see this.

“Listen, this doesn’t have to be anything. You don’t even have to give me your real number. All I need is ten digits to show that guy. You smile, laugh, make it seem like I’m charming the pants off you then you never have to see me again.”

Kara thinks this over. She stares at the woman, extremely intrigued. 

“I don’t even know your name.”

The woman smiles. “It’s Pen.” She holds out her hand for Kara to take. “And you are?”

Kara smiles up at Pen as she takes her hand. “Kara.”

***

After watching Pen collect a hundred bucks from the scaled alien, Pen proposed a game of pool. “If I win, I get your real number,” she says. “If you win, you get whatever you want.”

Kara liked the sound of that. “Deal,” she says confidently. 

The game is fun and light hearted. Kara enjoys Pen’s presence more than she'd anticipated. She's easy to get along with, nice to be around. Kara isn't really trying, doesn't really feel the need to. Pen is running most of the conversation which Kara appreciates. She's oddly charming in a subtle, disarming kinda way. Kara knows she's being flirted with. She can't say she really minds it.

Pen wins the game by shooting an unbelievable combo shot. So unbelievable that Kara feels like there was more than just her pool skills at work. Pen's smirk doesn't help the feeling. 

“Did you cheat?” Kara asks, her candor brought on more easily by the several drinks accumulated between them throughout the game. 

Pen puts on a face of mock offence. “What? Of course not,” she says. “What kinda girl do you think I am?”

Kara raises her eyes. 

“Yeah, okay. Maybe a little,” Pen says. She glances towards the pool table. With a little flick of her head, the remaining ball slides into the farthest pocket. 

“Telekinetic abilities are one of my many talents,” Pen says. “Along with pool and French.”

“You speak French?”

“I meant kissing.”

Even buzzed, Kara’s ears burn bright red. Which is only worsened by Pen’s wink. 

“You lost. You know what that means,” Pen says. She holds out what Kara assumes to be her phone. “Number please. Preferably yours.”

Kara knows she doesn't have to give Pen her number. Just like she didn't have to agree to play pool with Pen. Or go along with whatever was happening between them. But she does it anyway. There's something in her that likes kinda attention Pen is paying her. Something she hasn't really felt in a while.

She inputs her number in Pen’s phone just to keep her word, if anything. At least, that's what she tells herself when she briefly thinks it over. But the alcohol and her own need to not think don't allow her to ponder it any further.

“How bout a game of darts and if I win, I get to take you out?” Pen asks.

Kara laughs, honest to Rao, laughs. “Don't push your luck,” she says. 

Pen shrugs with the same confident grin. “I had to try.” 

As they continue to chat over Pen’s shameless charm, they don't notice a hulking, grey box of an alien near them until it bumps into Kara, causing her to spill her drink on its back. “Oh, shoot, I'm so-”

Kara is interrupted by what sounds like angry growling coming from the alien’s mouth. Or what Kara assumes to be its mouth. 

It begins to speak in aggressive sounding grumbles of noise, stepping menacingly towards Kara. Kara isn't thinking. Her mind is at a total loss for what to do. 

She doesn't think to react until Pen is in front of her, shoving the imposing alien into a table which breaks beneath it. This, of course, gathers the attention of all near by patrons and the bartender, Louis, who Kara was finally on familiar, nice terms with. 

Pen doesn't seem to mind the stares though. 

She grabs her glass from the pool table and sips at it nonchalantly. “Wanna get out of here?” Pen asks. “The vibes kinda weird in here.” 

***

Kara, with no other plans, follows Pen out of the bar. But not too far. Pen leans against the alley wall outside of the bar, bringing a cigarette and zippo lighter out of her jacket pocket. 

That's when Kara really takes in how gorgeous Pen is. 

The darkness of her eyes and the playfulness of her smile really tease at something in Kara, something that feels frighteningly like want. Something that Kara is almost drunk enough to acknowledge.

Kara found drinking with Pen had been much different than drinking alone. 

Instead of her body and mind being heavy with melancholy and guilt, Kara felt light, almost weightless near Pen. Like nothing mattered. Like there were no problems, no people to disappoint, no impending disasters just waiting on the horizon, no long lost boyfriends, nothing she couldn't shake off with a good drink and laugh. 

The air was giggly and breathable with Pen. Something she hadn't experienced while intoxicated since that first time with Mon-El. Just the thought of the memory tore at the wound Kara was trying to forget.

Pen must've noticed. Instead of continuing to enjoy their shared silence, Pen was offering Kara a hit off her cigarette out of the blue. “It's usually good for the nerves or, you know, taking a few years off a very long life,” Pen says.

It's the last part of the statement that convinces Kara. She gently plucks the cigarette from Pen's fingertips. Kara observes the embers smoldering out of one end and ponders how bad it'll taste before bringing it to her lips. Of course, she nearly coughs her lungs out like a dork. 

Pen is rubbing her back, lightly chuckling before telling her everyone coughs their first time. She tells Kara to try again. And Kara feels like an inexperienced teenager but brings the stick to her lips again. 

She inhales and exhales without that much difficulty this time. Pen applauds her. “Nice job, goody goody.”

Kara gives her a look. “Goody goody?”

Pen shrugs. “I'm just guessing by the cardigan and general ‘good citizen’ square vibe about you, but you seem incredibly tense and in dire need of letting loose,” she says. “A drink, a smoke and a pretty girl are usually good for that,” Pen states with a wink. 

Kara smiles good naturedly, a smile she hasn't worn in what feels like years. 

“Thanks, but I'm not, uh, not really…” she starts. But gets distracted by Pen’s face coming gradually closer to her own. Which means Pen’s lips are basically at eye level.

“Not really what?” Pen asks. “Into brunettes?”

“No, into girls, usually.”

“Keyword being usually.”

“I guess that's one way to read into that sentence.”

Pen chuckles before closing her eyes. Kara quickly follow suit before feeling very soft, very insistent lips against her own. There's the feeling of a tongue brushing against her lips and Kara loses the ability to formulate any coherent thoughts for a bit. 

She can't tell if the taste of alcohol and ash is from her solely or both of them. 

Kara doesn’t get much time to dwell on it before the kiss is over. When Kara opens her eyes, Pen has pulled back. The same playful grin from earlier is back on her face. 

“Told you I was good at French,” Pen says. Kara can't help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it's been several months since I've updated. But you know, college and stuff. It's a trip, man. But recent supercorp fandom hijinks have reignited my desire to write this so...here I am. Attempting to scrape and drag this thing into something that doesn't suck.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets sad again, but then gets happy again then gets sad again. It's an awful cycle. Lena's there though so that's good. Lena being anywhere is a cause for celebration. Her mere existence gives me strength to go on. But anywhere, there's a pseudo-museum and dinner date. Further complications may arise. Alien sexuality is discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I tried my best. I did not edit at all. I'm very tired. I got a paper, several written discussion and other things I should have done already to do. But I wanted to put this out so I could get to the good stuff as quick as possible. Once I'm on break, I'll do better, I promise.

After stuttering a goodbye to Pen and stumbling a far enough distance away to not be seen, Kara takes off into the sky.

She's drunk enough to easily put the kiss at the back of her mind and distract herself with getting home safely. Kara manages not to break a window this time as she flies into her apartment.

Knowing there's bound to be more work at both CatCo and the DEO, Kara chugs around ten classes of water to help dull the imminent hangover.

She strips lazily as she makes her into her bed, barely managing to shuck off her pants before falling onto her mattress. Kara hopes sleep might find her easily tonight.

But, of course, her life couldn't be that simple for one night.

Of course, she kisses a pretty girl and the thoughts have to amplify in response.

They're loud, cruel, and parasitic. Taunting and accusing her. Painting truth and fact in horrifying light. Telling Kara she's a failure, a disappointment. And Kara has no choice but to roll around and try to drag sleep towards her.

She briefly debates whether the thoughts or the nightmares are worse and which one is she willing to undergo throughout the night.

The thoughts are intrusive and aren't letting up. They tell Kara it's her fault Mon-El is gone. It's her fault everyone's gone. The image of her mom and dad standing outside her pod, eyes red-rimmed with resignation and worry, enter Kara’s mind briefly.

Without thinking, Kara grips her pillow and flings it, yelling out in frustration.

The pillow puts a hole in her bathroom door, allowing her duck-patterned shower curtains to be displayed through the wood.

If she knew she wouldn’t run into J’onn or Alex at the DEO, she would go punch into a pile of concrete until it was dust. But that behavior at 3 a.m. would raise some questions.

Kara didn’t want their secondary attention.

Everyone had other priorities and people to keep them occupied. Kara already had her brief stint of boyfriend-losing-surviving-alien-invasion-induced month of attentive care and cautious attention.

After a while of repeating that she was “fine, guys, you can leave me alone to do my job. You don’t have to worry about me”, they finally believed her.

Kara wasn’t sure sometimes whether she was thankful or regretful.

After staring at the ceiling for a while, Kara allowed herself to be overcome by her thoughts enough to burst into silent sobs, the kind that had her shoulders shaking ever so slightly and allowed the slight hitch in her throat to be the only audible sound in the room as her breath hurriedly ran in and out of her lungs.

She allowed herself to cry for a few minutes without thought until she got tired of hearing the ugly noises of her wet breath and strangled tears.

Kara decide another drink was in order. Maybe two.

She threw her covers off of herself to go fetch a bottle from her stash along the higher placed cabinets in her kitchen, the ones she knew no one would be able to see into unless they were looking trying to search for it. Unless they were really tall.

Kara mainly had Alex in mind when she chose that spot.

After pouring herself a glass of dark liquor, Kara savored the cool burn the liquid left as it slid down her throat.

She basked in the slight dulling of her already compromised senses, smiling at the reprieve from her own mind and the melancholy of her bitter reality.

***

Walking through the National City Art Museum with Lena a week later, Kara’s mood is a far cry from where it had been during her short, drunken cry.

Lena’s made a habit of showing up at CatCo every day around noon, usually to drag Kara out to eat if Kara herself hasn’t shown up at L-Corp. Kara still possesses the appetite and food storage capabilities of about three grown men.

Lena just prefers if Kara isn’t alone when she does eat, for some reason. Or alone at all, really.

When neither of them is working, which is a rare feat usually, Lena always has somewhere she needs or wants to go and is always in need of Kara’s company. Which Kara doesn’t mind in the slightest.

She’s still holding onto some residual guilt from inadvertently cutting Lena off even though she didn’t deserve it. Spending time with Lena also helps better Kara’s mood.

As the two of them walk through the latest installation being featured at the museum, early admission tickets courtesy L-Corp being one of the museum’s more charitable contributors, Kara feels light next to Lena.

Not weightless in the same way as when Kara was with Pen the other night, like nothing mattered. More like the shadows and the weight of everything were still there, just simply lessened.

They laughed together and talked honestly, without mixed meanings or inhibitions.

Kara felt comfortable with Lena. Really comfortable. Like she didn’t have to hide the darkness peaking through the edges of the light she wore on her surface. Like she could be almost every part of herself around Lena without judgment. And Kara was pretty certain Lena felt the same way.

This line of thinking, along with the encounter with Pen at the bar the other night, has Kara revisiting a topic lately she hasn’t thought about since high school.

What Kara told Lena about Krypton was the very condensed version of it, but growing up, sexuality was a never a topic ever broached in her household or in any of the other’s she visited.

She knew about sex, she knew some Kryptonians were mated to partners of the same sex.

But it was a never a big deal or something she thought she’d ever have to think about, especially considering physical attraction was pretty low on the list of things considered important when partners were chosen.

On Krypton, it had been about family and social standing and a connection of the minds, very similar to royalty, Kara had tried to explain to Alex when night in the first few months at the Danvers house.

Marriages were arranged based on the benefits such a union would offer to families as whole, and in result, to the community as a whole. So something as pedestrian as the gender of a prospective partner was something Kara never had to consider, especially since she fled Krypton when she was barely a teen.

Once on Earth, Kara spent her adolescence too focused on controlling her powers, learning the intricacies of life on Earth and trying to fit in to consider her own sexual preferences.

She knew same sex relations were looked down upon during her youth, something she never really understood but had to adapt to appear “normal”.

In college, Kara was too busy studying and trying to figure out what to do with her life to really ponder the topic there either.

Yet, Kara always knew at the back of her mind that she didn’t care.

Kara knew, deep within herself, that she still held beliefs similar to what she was brought up with.

As long as Kara liked a person, she would tell herself, that’s all that matters but she also knew that that person being a good match, in the way her parents would want her partner to be, well,that would be almost perfect.

James had almost been a good match in the sense he was made of the kind of strong character Kara’s family would have appreciated and held with high respect. And Kara and him had liked each other until that wasn’t enough.

Mon-El wasn’t of the best character when Kara had first met him but he did eventually grow to become someone Kara would have been proud to bring home to mom and dad, figuratively speaking since Kryptonian customs were a bit different.

Mon-El was also a prince, even being a daxamite, he would have surely been a great match in her parents eyes as long as she was happy. Which she would’ve been if given the chance.

If Mon-El was still here on Earth or Kara’s parents were still alive along with Krypton.

But Kara tried not to think about what ifs’. They always soured her mood more than usual.

***

Lena invited Kara to dinner at her apartment after musuem.

They were waiting on an order of enough potstickers to feed a small family and a side salad. Lena had almost ordered two salads but Kara had told her not to bother trying to get her to eat anything green.

Lena had smirked and said, “one of these days, Kara.”

Kara had smiled in response.

They were enjoying a comfortable bout of silence between them when Lena seemingly remembered something.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I’m not gonna be able to get lunch tomorrow,” Lena says.

Kara rolls her eyes. “If you're skipping out on lunch to bury yourself in work, I-”

“No, I’m not working,” Lena interjects. “I’m getting brunch with Emily tomorrow. It’s the only time she’s available this week, apparently.”

Kara doesn’t know why something in her instantly tightens or why tension has come back to places that were relaxed a second ago.

“That’s good, right? Catching up with old exs’,” Kara says. She must say it in a weird way because Lena is giving her an inquisitive stare briefly before answering.

“Emily and I didn’t split on terrible circumstances. It was all pretty amicable, well, as amicable as it could be. The separation was pretty much out of our control. So getting lunch with her doesn’t feel like getting lunch with an ex but more like getting lunch with an old friend,” Lena says, a far off look on her face. “Do you know what I mean?”

Surprisingly, Kara feels like she does. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Lena grins. The mirth in her eyes sends a familiar warmth through Kara. A warmth she now associates with Lena.

“I’m sorry I have to cancel our lunch date but I’ll make it up to,” Lena says.

“How?”

“Two words: potstickers and pizza.”

“You know, sometimes I’m amazed at how well you know me.”

“Well, you're my best friend. It’s my job to know you better than anyone.”

The statement stabs at something in Kara. “Yeah, well, it feels like you're the only one that knows me at all lately.”

There’s a lot of other harsher statement and words floating around in Kara’s head but she settles for only voicing that one thought. And Kara almost instantly regrets it with the way Lena is looking at her.

Kara has grown increasingly sick of the pity look the last few weeks. But Kara can tell Lena is trying to hide it since she knows how Kara feels about pitying glances. Kara can also tell that there’s genuine concern as well in Lena’s eyes.

Actually, concern is beginning to take up every inch of Lena’s face.

“Kara, have you talked to anyone else besides me this last week?” Lena asks.

“I talked to Snapper. Well, more like he yelled a couple words at me I wouldn’t wanna repeat. And Louis, the bar-b-barista at Noonan’s. We’ve exchanged words. Over coffee. ‘Cause he makes and sells coffee. At Noonan’s.”

“What about your sister or Winn or?”

“Nope. Haven’t talked to them.”

“At all?”

“Not really. I mean, maybe a few words in passing, but you know, everyone’s so busy lately. You know, work and stuff.”

“Don’t Alex and Winn both work at the DEO?”

“Yeah.”

“You guys don’t talk to each other there?”

“Yeah, I mean, we do but it’s all usually supergirl related and there hasn’t been any real threats the last few days so I haven’t really been in a while.”

“So the only other people you’ve talked to besides me are your horrible, grouchy boss and a barista?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Kara, you should talk to your friends,” Lena says. “At least, your sister.”

“You know, you don’t talk to anyone else either but me and Jess so I wouldn’t be judging.”

“I talk to plenty of people every day.”

“Employees and business people don’t count. That’s work.”

“I’m having lunch with Emily tomorrow so your point is moot.”

Kara sticks out her tongue in response. Lena flicks her on the shoulder and Kara pretends to howl and curl in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment below what you think is gonna happen. I already know since I'm the all-knowing creator of this world but speculations always amuse or interest me, especially if they're right. You could also comment what you hope happens like Lena and Kara runaway together in the next chapter in next go back or Lena and Kara get into some kinky super villain role play involving popsicles. Anything could happen. Well, not anything. I know what happens. There's limits to what I could pull off. But, yeah, just comment. It makes me feel good.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets drunk again. Superfriends are problematic. Everyone's problematic. But we're so close to the main event. Or one of them, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I tried editing this to the best of my abilities but it's finals week, it's late, I'm tired and kinda high. This is the best I got.

Elbow deep in the research for an article about alien assimilation, Kara gets a text from Alex. Which immediately induces a short a bout of panic and guilt.

Lately, Alex only texts or calls Kara if it’s an emergency, like evil rogue aliens or her favorite Chinese restaurant being shut down, or something wedding related.

As much as Kara is happy for her sister and Maggie, she can’t really bring herself to care about specific flowers and what appetizers she’ll think people will like.

She’s been putting off returning the few calls and texts Alex sends her but she can only do it for so long before Alex actually begins to worry.

The different possibilities of what Alex could possibly want are swirling through her mind when Kara picks up her phone. But all she’s met with is the singular message: ‘Hi’.

Kara doesn’t know what to do with that.

‘Hey?’ She types out in response.

Kara tries to busy herself with transcribing quotes while she waits for Alex’s reply. Which comes in the form of a paragraph of a text five minutes later.

‘I know I’ve been too busy with Maggie and the wedding to really spend any quality time with you outside of DEO related stuff but I got a day off coming up this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to do Sisters Night? I’ll bring the Chinese and you pick the movie?’

Kara knows she should be elated and excited at the prospect of finally have a Sisters Night.

And she is, really, but some part of her is also frustrated it took Alex this long to actually notice the lack of time they’ve been spending together.

But Kara knows that she’s also been doing her best to seem okay. That she’ll always say okay if anyone asks how she’s doing.

She can’t really blame Alex for believing her. Yet, Kara still does sometimes.

‘Yeah, I’d love that.’

***

Kara takes Lena’s lunch date better than she thought she would.

At the time Kara knew Lena’s date was suppose to be taking place she only thought about her best friend five times and only two of those times did she speculate about what was possibly happening over lunch.

It’s not that Kara’s jealous of Emily, per se.

It’s just that Kara’s innate need to protect always ignites around Lena whenever something unknown arises, especially in the form of a new person. Especially when that person use to date Lena Luthor and probably knows what she looks like naked.

And now Kara’s face is burning with the brief thought of what Lena looks like without clothes on before she quickly banishes it from her mind.

Best friends don’t think about what the other looks like naked. Kara’s pretty sure of that.

Quickly, Kara busies herself with attempting to create a half decent rough draft to distract herself from thinking about Lena.

***

Kara doesn’t leave her desk until nearly midnight, long after most of the staff has gone home. But her rough draft is as polished as she could hope to get it. S

he drops it off on Snapper’s desk on her way out. Sliding her phone out of her pocket, Kara decides to text Lena.

Only to make sure she’s not still at L-Corp and to, maybe, ask her how lunch went. But Kara gets a text from Alex instead just as she opens the messenger app.

‘Hey, I’m sorry, something came up this weekend. The wedding band all got tuberculosis or something? I don’t know but I gotta fix it this weekend. Sorry :( Let’s reschedule?’

Something deflates in Kara. Anger immediately follows, bubbling up inside her core.

‘Yeah, sure.’

***

After a few sips from the liquor bottle Kara keeps in stock in her cabinet, Kara decides texting Lena at this hour would be a bad idea.

She’s probably already texting Emily. They’re probably talking about the good old days back when they were together, how happy they were and how good Lena looks naked.

The last thought is one Kara knows probably isn’t true but she still thinks about it anyway. Lena. Naked.

The thought is not doing good things for her sense of control over her body and emotions. Kara cannot like the thought of Lena naked.

That is not something people in mourning do. They don’t lust after their best friends. They just don’t.

Quickly, Kara tries to think of something else.

Unfortunately, the only thing she remembers semi-coherently at the moment is Mon-El. Kara has been so good at not thinking about him lately. Not seeing his pod take off into the sky, not imagining him lost in space or dead. But that’s all Kara can see right now.

Grinding her palms into her tightly clenched eyelids, she still sees it. Just him leaving over and over again. Rao knows where he ended up.

Kara doesn’t realize she’s sobbing until she finally listens to the sounds outside of her head.

The wet gasps for air is coming from her.

Along with the shaking. Kara doesn’t know what to do but wait it out so that’s what she does. For the rest of the night until sleep finally comes, Kara shakes and sobs on top of her bed sheets, trying not to see Mon-El leaving and dying.

She fails every time.

***

Luckily, the next morning Kara forgets about the previous night easily enough, or hides it well at the back of her mind.

She does a good job of not showing her displeasure towards Alex when she goes into the DEO for her usual bi-weekly patrol around the city.

She attempts to remain as inconspicuously Kara as usual not to draw attention to the alcohol still on her breath and the bags under eyes.

She even manages to accept an invitation to a night out at the bar with James, Winn, Alex and Maggie.

The prospect of hanging out with all of them like nothing is wrong is highly unappealing but Kara knows she should accept whatever time she can get with her friends these days as a blessing. So she puts a smile on her face and carries on like usual.

It works well most of the day. Even when she goes to visit Lena for lunch.

“Lunch with Emily was enjoyable. I’m glad we got to catch up and talk,” Lena says.

“Yeah?” Kara questions, mouth full of chow mein.

Lena rolls her eyes but smiles affectionately. “Kara, please, don’t talk with your mouth full. I know Eliza raised you better than that.”

Kara blushes but keeps her mouth closed as she motions for Lena to continue.

“Nothing happened, really, we were just talking about what we’ve both been up to. Of course, I’m a Luthor so she already knew about all my escapades from the news.”

It’s a reflex when Kara immediately perks up slightly when Lena says nothing happened. That what Kara tells herself. She’s only glad her date was uneventful as opposed to deadly.

“It was a typical lunch date, except, well, she asked me out on a real, legitimate date,” Lena confesses. And that’s when Kara decides to spill noodles all over her lap and the carpet.

“Oh, shoot. I’m so sorry,” Kara says.

Grabbing some napkins and an empty container, she starts to pick up while Lena assures her it’s fine.

“But what were you saying about a real date?” Kara asks.

“Well, Emily asked me if I was interested in ‘rekindling things’ by having dinner with her this weekend.”

“And you said?”

“That I’d think about it.”

Kara’s whole body releases a wad of tension she didn’t know she’d been holding.

“What’s there to think about?” Kara asks even though her whole body rejects the question. Kara doesn’t need to know about every date Lena goes on.

“Well,” Lena starts. “There’s a lot of factors to take into account when considering romantic prospects, especially old ones you already tried.”

“Why do you sound like your thinking about stock options instead of a simple date?”

“Kara, I may not have been the first intended CEO of L-Corp but I was still brought up by the most cunning, business-savvy people on this continent. I was taught to look at everything like a business deal,” Lena says.

“Well, love isn’t a corporation or stocks in a company,” Kara says. “It’s just two people who trust and believe in each other wholeheartedly.”

And Kara doesn’t know where that came from. But it sounds right. It sends an unexpected pang of remorse through her when the thought of Mon-El flashed through her mind.

Lena stares at Kara with something like adoration or wonder in her eyes. “You make it sound so simple,” she says.

Kara shrugs. “Sometimes, it is.”

***

Kara had fooled herself into having semi-high hopes for the get together at the bar with James, Winn, Alex and Maggie.

She had anticipated that maybe one of them would have to leave early or cancel.

Probably both Alex and Maggie would have some wedding related emergency to attend to. Something along those lines.

But Kara hadn’t anticipated being bailed on by everyone. At least Winn was still there when she walked in.

“Hey, Kara,” he said, smiling up at her from where he sat in the booth. She took a seat in the spot opposite him. “Hey, Winn.” Kara glanced around the bar. “Where is everyone?”

“Oh, Alex and Maggie had a date night thingy that they had forgotten about or something, I’m not exactly sure. James is doing some stuff at…” A buzz from Winn’s phone on top of the table interrupts his sentence.

He glances down at the notification, his eyes scanning the screen briefly before he jumps out of the booth. “Sorry, Kara, I gotta go. There’s a robbery down-”

“It’s fine, I get it. Guardian to the rescue.”

Winn glances at Kara as he stands to leave. “Do you wanna help? I’m sure James-”

“No, I’m good,” Kara shakes her head. “I’m sure you guys have it all covered. With the shield and what not.”

“Was that a pun?”

“Not intentionally.”

“Okay, well,” Winn gives Kara an awkward side hug before taking off.

Kara catches Louis eye from across the bar and motions for him to send over her usual. Kara can sense the makings of another long night.

***

Kara had unintentionally been ignoring everyone the first week or so after Mon-El had left.

She hadn’t meant to shut out everyone like that but they had understood. After a while though, Kara had started to purposely avoid talks and phone calls.

As much as she knew deep down she wanted someone to notice her pain, Kara also knew they wouldn’t get it and they wouldn’t know how to help. So what was the point?

Kara couldn’t believe the one night she decide to actually open herself up to conversation with her friends that they ditch her.

Of course, once Kara has reached her peak drunken state, drunk enough so all she feels is warmth and she can ignore how alone she is, that’s when Pen decides to show up.

Kara’s so drunk she doesn’t even notice Pen’s presence until she’s slid all the way into the spot next to Kara in the booth. “Pen? When did you get here?” Kara asks and she most be louder than she thinks she is because Pen flinches away, grasping her ear.

“You might wanna quiet down there, sweetheart,” she says. “I’m telekinetic but I still got weak ears.”

“M’ sorry. When did you get here?”

“I’ve been here for nearly an hour, waiting for you to notice me checking you out across the room but you were taking too long.”

Kara finds this unbelievably funny for some reason. She starts to chuckling heartily. “Are you gonna hit on me again so we can make out again?” Kara asks.

“I mean, I was attempting the slow approach but if you just wanna start making out, I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Pen says.

Kara laughs again. “You’re funny.”

“And you’re drunk.”

“You’re right,” Kara giggles, booping Pen on the nose with her index finger.

“There a reason you’re drinking by yourself so late?” Pen asks. “I got a nice shoulder for you to cry on right here.”

“Psh, I just like drinking. A-and I like making out. With girls. You’re a girl.”

“That I am, indeed.”

“We should make out.”

“Normally, I’d agree with you but-”

Kara pulls Pen in by the collar of her shirt, smacking their mouths together. Kara moves her lips and tongue to feel something, something like she felt the first time Pen kissed her.

She knows she doesn’t like Pen that way but kissing her made her feel something that wasn’t misery or regret or failure. It was something she needed right now, something Kara was willing to chase after.

Pen pulls away breathless. “Fuck it,” she say before downing what was left in Kara’s glass. “Let’s get out of here.”

***

The walk to Kara’s apartment was especially slow.

Partly because Kara was too drunk to really bother to look at the words on the street signs and partly because Kara and Pen kept slamming each other against random alley walls to make out.

Kara basks in whatever solid sensation kept hold of her attention and senses. Drunk Kara is much more tactile than sober Kara.

Kara is against a wall with Pen’s teeth nipping at her throat when she has a revelation.

A sudden realization that falls over her like a bucket of cold water. Suddenly, she nudges Pen off of her. “What’s up?” Pen asks, voice thick with alcohol and desire.

“I gotta go,” Kara says.

“What?”

“I gotta go.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“To find Lena.”

“Lena? Whose Lena?”

“My best friend, the bestest and goodest person in all of National City. I gotta find her.”

“Kara, it’s three a.m. I don’t think-”

“I can’t have sex with you!”

“What?!”

“I can’t have sex with you, I mean, I’m sure it would be fun and like, knowledgable, I’m sure you’d teach my stuff, sex stuff, but I can’t. I gotta f-find Lena.”

“First off, I wasn’t gonna have sex with you. You’re drunk. We’d only get to second base at most. Secondly, you’re into this Lena chick, huh?”

“Maybe, I’m not sure. It’s all a big woosh in my head and my other parts, the ones down there, you know.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“I gotta go find her.”

“I can see that you’re very determined to do that and I don’t think I’m nearly strong or patient enough to stop you so,” Pen grabs Kara by the shoulders. “I wish you good luck. Take care of yourself and get home or wherever you’re sleeping safely.” She plants a kiss on Kara’s cheek.

Kara smiles dopily at her as she begins to backpedal out of the alley.

“If you need a distraction or therapy of the sexual kind, call me when you’re sober. You still got my number,” Pen calls out just before turning a corner.

Kara glances around, stopping for a second when she gets dizzy before taking off into the sky, listening for Lena’s heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill, comment and push the kudos button, if only to humor me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara, a drunk bean, pays Lena a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I think I like this one. I think I'm okay with it. I'm not saying it's perfect but let's just see how it goes and we'll go from there.

Trying to navigate through the dark sky to Lena’s apartment proves to be more of a challenge than Kara previously thought, especially while intoxicated. But she manages to find the familiar heartbeat she’s searching for. 

Through the biting wind and noise of the city below, she hears the solid thump. 

A lovely beat she follows to a dimly lit balcony. Lena’s balcony. 

Kara doesn’t take time to think about her actions. She can only think about what makes sense right now. The bundling of nerves and desires twisting in her gut, telling her exactly what she needs to do right now. She follows her gut with warm haze over her mind. 

Everything inside of her telling Kara this is what she needs, that this is her salvation and remedy.

Kara can see into Lena’s living room from the balcony. There’s no sign of her in the open space but Kara can hear her heartbeat close by. 

She knocks against the glass as firmly as she can manage without cracking the glass. 

She can hear Lena make her way towards the window, feet scraping against the floor. Then Kara sees her. 

It’s like all of the air she didn’t know she was holding in her lungs escapes in an instant. Then she forgets how to inhale to take all that air back in. 

Lena is wearing an MIT sweatshirt and leggings when she goes to open the door for Kara. It’s not like Kara hasn’t seen Lena in non-formal wear before. But it’s still a shock every time. Especially with her hair let down and messy in a way that signifies Kara probably either woke her from a nap or disturbed a late night work session. Probably the latter. 

Lena pauses at the sight of Kara, probably pondering why she wasn’t in her suit and yet on her balcony. Waving at her through the window like an idiot. Kara puts her hand down abruptly at the thought. 

“Kara? What are you doing here?” Lena asks with a sleepy lilt to her voice. “It’s almost four a.m.” 

“I had to talk to you.”

Lena side steps, allowing Kara entryway into her apartment. 

She begins to pace along her living room carpet, too energized with nerves and thoughts racing a mile a minute to remain still. 

“Are you drunk?” 

The question cuts briefly through the words Kara is trying to formulate in her head. She brushes it off with a “yeah, kinda” as she continues to try to get her words in order. 

“Kara, why are you drunk at four a.m?”

“It’s not t-technically four yet.”

“But it’ll be four in a couple of minutes and you’ll still be presumably drunk by then.”

“Lena, p-please stop talking. I g-gotta say something. To you. Right now.” Kara takes a few steps forward so she close enough that she could reach out and touch Lena. If she wanted to. Which she most likely will. 

Kara raises her hands, readying herself to pour all her thoughts and emotions out in front of Lena. The woman across from her eyes Kara curiously with a tinge of concern. 

“You...you’re...you’re so...pretty,” is what Kara manages to say. 

Lena’s whole face is awash in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t have to be excused. You d-didn’t d-do anything wrong. It’s me. I did the wrong thing. A lot. I keep doing the wrong thing.”

“Kara, I don’t understand.”

“I know, I know but I’m trying to make you understand right now so ssh. I just wanted to see how this thing is with you, I wanted to try it with you because you’re so good and I trust you, like the most I can trust anyone, including Alex, and you’re so so, pretty, and beautiful, so it seems like a good idea and, like, it’d be pretty-”

“Kara.” Kara is halted in her ramblings by a hand on her arm and Lena’s eyes so very close to her own. “I’m going to need you to slow down and preferably take a seat, okay?”

With a huff, Kara allows Lena to lead her to the sofa. 

Lena hasn’t even sat down fully yet when Kara turns to her and says “I think we should kiss.”

Surprisingly, Lena doesn’t offer Kara a readable reaction right away. Shock blew her eyes open briefly before her whole expression became unreadable. Lena’s silence urges Kara on. 

“Lena, I trust you so so much. And you’re the perfect person, you know. You’re kind and sweet and pretty and gay, well, bisexual, I mean.”

“Kara, I’m sorry but I’m really having a hard time following.”

Kara brings her palms up to her eyes before standing up again, almost hitting Lena in the face before she quickly leaned out of the way. 

“It’s like I either feel dullness, like nothings there or everything all at once,” Kara starts. “And it’s always bad things, bad, cruel, horrible things. And so the only options are to feel nothing or everything and I think I can feel everything with you. Well, not everything but enough to manage, you know.”

“Kara-”

“I’m sorry I came in the middle of the night or really early in the morning but I just had to see you and say this stuff so you’d get it and we could kiss and I could see-”

“Kara!”

Kara only stops her rant because both of Lena’s hands have somehow wound up on her shoulders, holding her in place.

Kara allows herself time to catch her breath as Lena stares up at her. Unblinking with concern but also kind and understanding. 

“I am not kissing you tonight,” Lena says softly, yet punctuating each word with a firmness Kara knows to mean it’s the final say. “You’re drunk. Let’s get you to bed, okay? We’ll talk about this all in the morning if you want.”

“But I’ll be hungover in the morning.”

“And I’ll be groggy and sleep deprived since a drunk Kryptonian decided to wake me up at four in the morning.”

“You’re sofa isn’t comfortable.”

“There’s a guest room here if you wanna take that.”

“Uh, I, actually…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I, um, I have nightmares sometimes.”

“Oh.” Lena’s brows furrow in thought before her eyes turn empathetic. “I understand.”

“I’d just prefer to not sleep alone. If that’s okay with you. I mean, you don’t have to but-”

“It’s not a problem, Kara. We just gotta get you out of those clothes. You stink of alcohol and I don’t want my sheets reeking either.”

“Your sheets probably cost more than my whole apartment.”

“You can’t put a price on comfort, Kara.”

***

Lena is a mess, understandably. At least on the inside. After Kara changes into a pair of old sweats and an ratty college t-shirt Lena had lying around, Lena thinks Kara may be too drunk to have any awkward inhibitions when she slides in besides Lena. 

The assumption is proven correct when Kara throws an arm around Lena’s midsection, eyes closed and mouth open in a yawn. “I like to cuddle,” she mumbles into Lena’s pillow. 

“I can see that.”

Kara ruins whatever sense of composure and fortitude Lena has left when she moves closer to Lena, face pressed into her shoulder and seemingly dead to the world for the night. This places Kara’s nose against her arm, her lips centimeters away from being pressed into her skin.

But Lena doesn’t really dwell on that aspect because why would she? Two best friends can share a bed together without any tension, especially of the sexual kind. Especially when one friend is drunk out of her mind. 

Lena doesn’t know what to do with anything Kara has told her tonight. 

Sure, she’d had the patience and poise of someone who knew what they were doing when she was facing Kara in her living room. But that was pure Luthor-brand improvising, pretending you knew exactly what you were doing at all times and rolling with the punches when need be. 

Lena was good at that. Pretending she knew what she was doing. It worked extremely well with Kara, usually, even though the majority of their friendship was an impromptu learning experience riddled with trial and error. But Kara was very generous in allowing Lena a large learning curve. 

Lena got the general gist of what Kara had been trying to say through her incoherent speech. And, God, hadn’t the thought of saying yes flicked through her mind briefly during Kara’s rant. But that was unthinkable, a luxury Lena couldn’t afford. 

It wouldn’t bode well for her to be attracted to her only friend in National City. She wouldn’t allow it. Couldn’t allow it. 

Her attraction to Kara was fleeting, superficial and meant to fade quickly. It was an irrelevant crush, barely even that. It would go away with time soon enough. Lena just has to focus on helping Kara, being there for her, especially since she didn’t appear to be seeking help from anyone else. 

Lena couldn’t imagine what was going on with Kara’s other friends. 

She knew her sister was getting married and that was always a trying ordeal from what she’s heard. But still, Lena pondered what could be possibly going on for all of Kara’s friends and family not to see how broken Kara was at times. How could they miss the lack of sunlight in her eyes, the missing authentic warmth from her smile and the harshness around her edges that seemed to be hidden well enough only to come out during the most stressful times Kara allowed Lena to witness her in. 

All of it plagued Lena with a constant concern for the superhero. 

The superhero who hadn’t been in the media or public much lately. Several media outlets speculated Supergirl was taking a break after the Daxamite invasion. Lena thought it was justifiably excellent idea but she feared Kara’s vacation was less of a break and more of an existential identity crisis. 

Lena’s had her fair share of those but none that lead to borderline addiction. She knew she had to talk to Kara about her drinking. But the thought of confronting Kara left a bad taste in her mouth and a bundle of anxiety in her stomach. She didn’t want Kara to lash out. At least, not any more than she already had. But Lena knew she had to. For Kara’s sake. 

***

Kara woke up to an empty bed and a pounding headache. 

She twisted in the heavenly soft sheets, forgetting where she was for a moment. Then her mind began to get its bearings. Her memories came back gradually, bits and pieces of trickling into her mind fuzzily then spilling in all at once like a waterfall of regret. 

She groans in mortification. 

Due to the empty spot beside her, Kara could only assume Lena jumped ship as soon as she woke up, too afraid to deal with the inevitable awkwardness Kara had brought between them. Quickly, she begins to think of ways she could solve the conflict she didn’t mean to instigate when her ears cause her to pause. Kara’s interrupted in her train of thought by the sound of a familiar heartbeat and accompanying foot steps. 

Lena hesitates at the sight of Kara when she appears in the doorway. But continues on smoothly. “I heard you groan so I assumed you were up,” she says. “I have french toast, eggs and whatever else you’d like in the kitchen.” 

Lena walks around the room to gather what looks to be some files from her night stand. “I have to go into L-Corp soon but before then I was wondering if you were up for a talk?”

Kara groans into her hands. “Do we have to?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Kara lets a heavy breath slip past her lips. Her head is still throbbing as she gets out of the bed. It’s only intensified by the silence between them as Kara trails behind Lena. 

She follows Lena passed her living room and into her immaculate kitchen. Kara being Kara, she goes straight for the plate of food Lena has laid out for her on the kitchen isle. Kara moans with content as she shovels spoonful after spoonful of food into her mouth. The sight elicits a soft chuckle from Lena. The sound of which immediately eases Kara and the knot in her chest. 

“It tastes even better when you actually chew the food,” Lena says. Kara sticks her tongue out in retort. Although their banter is light, there’s a heaviness layered over every action between them. Kara feels herself being watched as she eats. She can only imagine how run-down she must look. 

Sitting in Lena’s priceless kitchen in what she’s sure are Lena’s least glamorous clothes, her hair and whatever make up she had been wearing skewed and disfigured. She must look like a mess. Though, the thought is eased by the unbelievable comfort Lena’s t-shirt provides. Still, she flushes under Lena’s gaze. She can only be imagining what Lena must be thinking of her right now. 

“Kara, how often do you drink?”

“What?”

“I said how often do you drink?”

“Why?”

“Kara.”

“After work sometimes.”

“What about before work?”

“Sometimes then, too.”

“Everyday?”

“Lena, it’s not that bad, okay? It looks bad, especially after last night, but it’s not that bad.”

“I wanna believe you.”

“Believe me then. Otherwise, I gotta go to work too soon so.” Kara attempts to stalk passed Lena but a hand on her forearm halts her movements.

“There’s some other stuff we should talk about as well.”

“Like what?”

“The fact that you tried to kiss me last night, I think, or at least proposition me.”

Kara’s face goes red real fast. “Oh, yeah. That. Um,” her brain stalls, crashes then stalls again. “That wasn’t, I didn’t mean to, uh, do that, really. It was kind of, uh, a, uh-”

“You wanted to experiment.”

“Uh, sure.”

“That’s totally normal, I understand.”

“You do?”

“Yes, it’s perfectly normal for people to question their sexuality.”

“Right.”

“But it’s extremely ill advised when you’re drunk, Kara. As well as using your powers when you’re not in costume.”

“Suit.”

“What?”

“It’s not a costume, it’s a suit.”

“Right, I forget. The red skirt and cape just scream professional uniform.”

Kara rolls her eyes and let’s Lena tease her a bit more before she sees the time blinking on the microwave. “Oh, shoot,” she says. “I actually do gotta go to work very, very soon.”

Kara goes to gather her clothes and her dignity when a hand on her wrist stops her once again. Kara doesn’t know what to call the feeling she gets every time Lena’s hand touches her skin. “Kara,” Lena says, green eyes peering into Kara’s. 

“Yeah?”

“Promise you’ll slow it down?” Lena’s eyes seem to explore all of Kara, holding her in their grasp and allowing Kara to feel every piece of concernment and genuine care Lena holds in regards to her. It stabs at something raw in Kara. Something that has her looking away, eager to pull out of her grasp. 

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this is my therapy for finals. I'm still really just trying to get to my favorite part of this fic, the first scene I ever wrote of it. The good stuff is coming soon, I promise. I'm just here for the angst, possible smut, we'll see, and the Alex Danvers shocked face. I live for that. 
> 
> Like usual, drop a comment and a kudos. Tell me what you think is gonna happen or what you want to happen. Either, or. I already know what's up so, you know.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets angered again. Throws a fit. Lena and her go out for a night on the town. Stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I didn't know whether or not to include smut in this chapter. It also took about ten different attempts to try to write this chapter. This is what finally happened.

Kara should’ve known it was too quiet in National City. There hadn’t been a deadly, pressing issue that needed Supergirl’s attention in almost a little over a month. The NCPD was usually always capable of handling robberies and most other basic, blue-collar crimes. Maggie had to love being able to do her job without the intervention of Supergirl. The thought gave Kara some twisted justification for being absent from the city’s media outlets the last few weeks. There didn’t seem to be any alien related crime in need of Supergirl’s help in National City, either.

Kara’s phone, her Supergirl phone, hadn’t gotten an emergency call from the DEO in a while. Kara almost forgot where she had placed it when it began to buzz on her kitchen table. She had been in the middle of a piece on the rise of anti-alien crimes in the city, fighting off her urge to get a bottle from her top shelf, when the little black phone began to vibrate.

Kara let loose a deep sigh as she picked it up. “Hello?”

“Kara?” Alex’s voice buzzed through the phone. “I’m gonna need you to come in. There’s been some reports coming in that need Supergirl’s attention.”

“I’m on my way.”

***

“What’s going on?” Kara asks as soon as she’s a couple footsteps into the DEO bullpen. Winn is at his computer, typing furiously along his keyboard to bring up picture after picture of location points and blurred video footage that doesn’t make sense to Kara just yet. Alex and J’onn are there, stern and worried looks on their faces. “There’s been a large uptake in crimes against aliens, lately.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m writing a report on it. The NCPD has been chalking it up to residual anger over the invasion.” Kara hasn’t been able to say the word ‘Daxamite’ without wincing or internal anguish since before the invasion. She’s barely able to refer to the invasion without flinching. She avoids talking about it as much as she can.

“Yeah, that may also be a factor, and if it was regular street fights or vandalism then it wouldn’t be that pressing of an issue but there’s been reports of a group,” Alex says.

“A group?”

“A pseudo-Cadmus organisation. We can’t be sure it isn’t cadmus yet but with Lillian and Henshaw underground we’re left to assume it’s an unaffiliated anti alien group. Cadmus hasn’t claimed responsibility or said anything concerning the recent incidents.”

“What incidents?”

“They’ve been leaving messages all over the city, sending letters to the NCPD. The group hasn’t named themselves yet but they’ve taken responsibility for the recent attacks on the alien hospital and other places that cater to aliens citizens, specifically. They’ve been threatening bigger instencences of  ‘vigilante justice’ as they put it but nothing specifying you, strangely enough.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

Alex and J’onn share a look. “We think it’d be best if you asked Ms. Luthor about any knowledge she may have on the matter.”

Kara thinks she’s misheard them for a second. They couldn’t have been serious. Not after everything Lena Luthor had done for National City and the world as a whole. “Are you serious?” She asks.

“Kara, it’s just a pre-”

“It’s BS is what it is.”

“Kara.”

“You have no reason to suspect she knows anything about any of this.”

“Except for her last name.”

“Exactly, it’s just a name. One she had no say in having.”

“Kara-”

“I'm leaving and pretending you never said that to me.” Kara turns and begins to walk away. “Call me when you have something more than just speculation.”

“Kara!” Alex calls after her but Kara’s already flown away. She's livid. She broke the sound barrier as she launched herself into the air. Her heartbeat thumping in her ears. She can only think of one person she could stand to see right now.

***

In minutes Kara is landing on the balcony outside Lena’s office. Her steps make an audible impact on the concrete that causes the CEO to look up from the stack of papers spread across her desk. Immediately, concern overtakes her face. “Kara? What's wrong?” Lean asks, rising from her desk.

Kara pauses. She contemplates confessing the reason why she's huffing about angrily in her office late on a Friday evening. But that'd only further the insecurities Lena already possesses about her name. So Kara thinks better of it. “Nothing, just a bad day as Supergirl,” Kara says.

Lena eyes her wearily. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I'm just frustrated is all.”

Lena glances around the pile of papers surrounding her desk before meeting Kara's eyes again. “Do you wanna stress eat at my place? I can take off early tonight.”

“You don't have to.”

“No, it's no problem. What are friends for if not to carb load together?”

“What if I don’t want to carb load?”

“Oh? Uh, what do you want to do?”

Kara can only think of two things she feels like doing at the moment: drinking and punching something. But she knew Lena would probably frown upon both of those options. Unless Kara could convince Lena to condone her drinking for one night. But that’d have to be done in a setting where drinking was to be expected. Kara had an idea right then.

“Can we go out?”

“Out?”

“Like to a bar or a club or something? Okay, I know what you’re thinking but it’ll only be one drink and you’ll be there and I need to blow off some steam.”

“Kara, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Come on, Lena, it’ll only one drink tops,” Kara says. And she does something she isn’t proud of. She brings out the pout. She hopes it works as well as it did a few months ago. Kara hasn’t used it in a while and she’s a bit rusty. “I’m gonna go out regardless of whether or not you’re there but I’d really prefer it if you were there with me.”

Lena’s expression turns strained. She’s silent for a few minutes, seemingly mulling over what Kara has said. Guilt surges through Kara briefly for putting Lena in this situation of having to monitor Kara, the torn look on her face enough to make Kara take back what she said when Lena speaks. “Fine, one drink. But I get to choose where we’re going and you’re sleeping over at my place tonight.”

Kara smiles triumphantly. “Deal.”

***

Kara’s not surprised that the place Lena chooses is a club with a forty dollar cover charge and a line that runs around the circumference of the nondescript brick building. At the sight of Lena, the bouncer unlatches the rope without hesitation and Lena thanks him with a nod of her head without stopping her strut into the building.

Kara follows with slight uncertainty.

As soon as they reach the end of the dark entryway Kara is especially glad she brought her glasses. Not that she had much of a choice though. The bass thumping through the speakers seems to vibrate throughout the air.

Everyone’s voice is at an heightened volume, competing with every other noise to be heard. The sea of bodies, covered in constantly migrating lights, doesn’t help the sensory overload issues Kara’s worked so hard to keep in check.

Maybe a club wasn’t the best idea. Maybe Kara should’ve just kept her drinking regulated to the isolation and silence of her apartment. But those particular thoughts are quieted at the sight of Lena pressed up against the bar, ordering drinks for the both of them. Kara brought a hand purse with the double intention of holding her phone in case of an emergency and a flask full of alien alcohol to help her get through the night.

Lena decided to wear a little black dress, cut in a way to obviously not be considered business casual. And short enough to make Kara antsy for several reasons. One being the several pairs of eyes the dress garnered. Another being the amount of skin Lena had on display with her hair down and her green eyes shining underneath the lights of the club.

Lena had caught her staring earlier in the car ride over.

The vast expanse of visible thigh kept tempting Kara’s eyes. She wasn’t subtle in the slightest. Lena had saw and chuckled, causing Kara’s face to burn red. “Several people I’ve been with have said the best part apart me, physically, is my legs,” Lena had said. Kara bristled at the statement. She must’ve already been buzzed at that point. “You can’t choose just one part,” Kara had said, not thinking about her words or their consequence in the slightest. “You’re gorgeous. All over.”

It was several seconds before Lena said anything. Kara burned in her seat, too embarrassed to try to clear up her meaning as something close to platonic. “Thank you,” was all Lena said.

Kara felt a bit delirious. She'd managed to sneak a few drinks in when she had went to change at her apartment before meeting Lena. Kara felt too restless standing still, waiting for Lena. She needed to move.

“I'm gonna go dance,” Kara said, leaning down towards Lena’s ear. “Wait a second, I'll go with you,” Lena says. She tips her elbow back to down her drink in one swallow. She offers Kara the other one in her hand. Kara takes it, figuring more alcohol could only calm her already overworked nerves.

***

Out on the dance floor, Kara isn’t sure how she looks. She knows she’s not a bad dancer but she can’t be too sure when compared to Lena. Lena whose body is moving in tandem with the beat, seeming so sure of herself and commanding all of Kara’s attention.

She doesn’t read too much into why she can’t take her eyes off of Lena although she knows the feelings circulating in her stomach aren’t the platonic sort. It’s an aching almost. A dull ache. Something she feels throughout her body.

Someone near them justles Kara slightly, just enough to have her pressing her front into Lena’s back. Bits of their skin makes contact and Kara can only think the shock she feels is the electric current flowing between them in that moment. It’s tangible. Kara swears she can almost taste it as Lena doesn’t stop her movements, hips in time with the music, sliding against Kara. The electricity forming between them marks each bit of expose skin touching each other. Kara doesn’t know what to do with her hands.

“Kara Danvers, don’t you know how to move your body,” Lena says to the air in front of them.

Kara doesn’t know what to do with that statement.

Lena couldn’t be flirting. It was probably just the drink from the bar that had her being a bit too open, too tactile. “I could say the same to you,” Kara decides to say. And Kara can just feel the smirk on Lena’s face.

Kara’s glad she had a few drinks before she came to the club with Lena, if only so she doesn’t freak out when Lena places her hands on top of Kara’s, guiding them on top of her hips. Instead, she allows herself to enjoy the feel of Lena pressed against her, if only for a few seconds before her thoughts begin to get loud again, pointing out numerous reasons why they shouldn’t be doing this. Kara needs them to quiet down.

“I need a drink,” Kara says, pulling back from Lena.

Before Lena has the chance to say anything, probably admonishing her for needing another drink, Kara makes her way through the crowd.

She finds the bar easily enough. She orders some dark beverage, something she could hide her alien alcohol in. She doesn’t want Lena to get to her just yet, to try to lecture her so Kara tips her head back and lets the alcohol burn its way down her throat as soon as she’s emptied her flask into it.

Kara knows if Lena asked her not to drink, truly pleaded with her, that she wouldn’t. She’d do whatever Lena asked but she’s not willing to be completely sober tonight. She was honest when she had said she wanted to blow off steam earlier. Originally, a concrete block in the DEO had been what Kara had had in mind but a night out with Lena would also suffice.

“You said only one drink tonight,” Lena spoke behind Kara.

Her tone was disappointed yet stern, something Kara could only associate with Alex at the moment. Something like frustration and resentment was festering in Kara. Not towards Lena. Never towards her. Kara’s irritation was brought about by everything except for Lena. But Lena was the only one present tonight who could take what Kara knew she was bound to dish out.

“I changed my mind.”

“Kara, you said only one drink.”

“Like I said, I changed my mind. I’m allowed to change my mind.”

“Yes, you are. But this isn’t-”

“It’s your fault, you know.”

“My fault?”

“Yes, you and that dress and your legs and hair and eyes, all that.”

“What exactly is my fault, Kara?" 

Kara brought her eyes up to meet Lena’s. She knew on some level Lena might know what she was trying to get at but she also knew that it was highly likely that she didn’t either. Kara also knew she needed something more from tonight. Something more than a drink or a fight. Something she had tried to get from Pen before it hadn’t felt right. It had been off.

“I want you,” is Kara choose to say.

“What?”

“I want you, Lena.” Kara knew she wasn’t being fair. That she wasn’t making sense except it all made sense to her in a way. She needed Lena. She needed her help. Kara was watching Lena closely, watching the shock flicker across her face. Then came that blank expression Kara knew she wore to hide what she was feeling. Kara had been anticipating some kind of brushing off, something akin to Lena letting her down gently. That’s what she thought was awaiting her as she waits quietly for Lena to say something.

“I want you, too,” Lena finally says. Kara only lets herself feel surprised for a second before her body and the lesser side of her mind takes over.

“Then let’s get outta here.”

Kara, almost as if she were on autopilot, grips Lena’s hand in hers as she guides her out of the club. But they only make it as far as the alley on the side of the building before Kara has Lena pressed up against a wall. Kara flashes back to the other night, back to her tryst with Pen but forces the thought from her mind. All she can focus on is Lena. Kara can hear her heart racing in her ears. She leans in, eager to press her lips against Lena’s when-

***

“Kara, no.” Lena's hands are pressed tight against Kara, collar bones digging into her palms.

Something like regret flashes passed Kara's eyes. Quickly followed by anger. “You flirted with me,” she says. “You-you said-”

“I know. I know. But…”

Kara scoffs. Worry passes through Lena. She's never seen Kara like this. The only thing coming to mind is news clips of Red K infected Supergirl. But tonight it isn't Red K. “What is it then?” Kara asks. Rather harshly Lena thinks.

“You're drunk.”

“Am not.”

“Kara.”

“What? you had a few drinks too. I know you had some at your apartment. I smelt it on your breath when I got in the car.”

“Kara,” Lena gazes into Kara's eyes imploringly, “I want to. I really do. But not like this.”

“Not like what?”

“You're drunk. You're not in your right mind.”

“My right mind? How would you know what's in my right mind?”

“Kara.”

“No. Do you know what's it like to give up someone you love, someone who would give up everything for you, and to-to just let them go? Force them away from you?”

Lex flashes briefly through Lena's mind. Very briefly. But it's not the same. Nowhere near the same so Lena remains quiet.

“Cause it feels a whole lot like ripping a chunk out of yourself. Like your being torn apart. Like kryptonite is being injected in every one of my veins. And the only way to dull it is work and the occasional d-drink.”

Kara peers into Lena's eyes. “Just once I'd like to not feel it. This. This giant gaping hole in me. I don't wanna feel anything.”

Lena angles her head towards the floor, avoiding Kara's eyes which are nearing bloodshot. “And you want to what? Have sex with me and feel nothing? Use me as a distraction?” Lena's voice catches in her throat on the last word. A tell tale sign of a cry on the horizon. And Kara knows this. Lena thinks it's the only reason the cruel storm on her face clears briefly. Long enough for Lena to see Kara. The real one. “L-Lena, I-I’m sorry.” Kara stumbles on her tongue. “I-I didn't mean. I didn't. Look, I'm just, not good these days and-”

“I'll do it.”

Kara's eyes widen. “What?”

“I'll do it.”

“Y-you'll do it.”

“Yes.”

“Listen, I'm sorry I tried to pressure-”

“Kara,” Lena moves her hands to clasp around Kara's cheeks. She meets her eyes. “I wanna do this okay. I wanna help you. But promise me you won't run away in the morning. Promise me you'll stick around so we can talk. Really talk this time,”

Kara nods. “Promise,” she mutters.

“Good,” Lena smiles. Nervous and unsure. Then they're kissing.

***

Kara flies them back to Lena’s apartment. They stumble through the darkness with their bodies in constant contact, pressed against each other. Clothes are scattered and ripped throughout the apartment by the time Kara has Lena placed underneath her on her bed. The kisses are a mix of heavy and fast and languid and sloppy. But they both enjoy them nonetheless. Kara is unsure of exactly what to do but Lena makes sure to guide her as best as she can with soft hands and understanding eyes. It makes Kara feel safe, cared for. Something she hasn’t felt in a long time. Since before the invasion.

While Kara is at Lena’s throat she allows herself to get lost in the intricacies of her breath and the blood flowing the veins beneath her mouth. She allows herself to get lost in all things Lena. Writhing, gasping and burning beneath her. It’s a bittersweet solace. Something Kara is exceedingly grateful for but knows has to come to an end eventually.

***

Lena wakes up alone. It's just as well, she thinks. Serves her right for taking Kara’s obvious plea for help as a sign she could finally help her friend but in the wrong way. How could she sleep with Kara? That was her first time with a woman. And now she's just gone.

Lena can only hope she didn't screw up too bad. She anticipates radio silence from her crime fighting friend for a good while. She knows she deserves it but the thought stirs a deep ache in Lena. One she's not sure she can stand.

Lena was so good at being alone before she moved to National City. Before she met Kara Danvers. Before she won the blind faith of the budding reporter.

She could work for hours after everyone else had gone home, stored away in her office without even thinking of checking her cell.

She could eat, sleep and exist alone without the need for someone else to be there as she did these things. But then Kara Danvers started reappearing, a beacon of unflinching light and goodness in a city determined to burn her at the stake for the crimes of her family. Bombarding her with lunches and random visits. Then the next thing Lena knew she had her first and only friend in National City. And now she had probably screwed that up big time. She swallows the thick knot in her throat forming at the thought and forces herself out of bed.

After sliding into sweats and a t-shirt, Lena makes her way to her kitchen. Coffee and breakfast can work wonders. On the granite counter is a sticky note. Scrawled across it: _“I'm sorry. We'll talk later. I_ _had_ _, I need to sort somethings out. I'm sorry. I know I already said that but still, I'm sorry._

 

_-K”_

_***_

It wasn't like Kara thought it'd be. She thought maybe the whole being into Lena thing was a fluke. A phase maybe. Maybe it was only a visual thing. But last night wasn't horrendous or disgusting. Well, the parts Kara could remember which were coming to her in bits and pieces.

Kara remembers enjoying herself, the distraction working. Lena did have to help a few times when Kara stumbled about what to do. But she soon learned it was just like how it was with herself. Except better. And Lena was pretty great too.

But, Rao, she couldn't face Lena could she? At least not for a while.

Kara thought the sinking pit of despair in her stomach couldn't get bigger. And yet. She'd taken advantage of her friend. Her best friend. Probably the person closest to her at the moment. Kara had just used her. Just had sex with her and fled. Like a coward.

She couldn't even stand to look at herself once she got home and needed a shower. Yeah, she missed Mon-El. Rao, she missed him. But using Lena as a distraction to negate the pain of missing him was just so...wrong. Leaving her, abandoning her with just a note was one of the worsts things Kara has ever done.

She couldn't believe herself. And yet, she could.

Kara really wasn't the same, was she? Not the same in the sense of believing in good always prevailing over evil or that everything happens for a reason. Or that putting herself and Mon-el in that position in the first place was a good idea. That being a superhero in the first place was a good idea.

The Kara Danvers she was now was different. She didn't really believe she knew what she was doing anymore. Or that what she was doing was right.

She dodged her sisters calls the best she could unless it was a work emergency. Likewise with James and Winn. She stopped being able to pass it off as a mourning period weeks ago. Now they were starting to get suspicious. But a quick smile and a hand over her crinkle usually negates a worried look.

Except it didn't work on Lena.

Kara knew that if Alex wasn't too busy with the engagement, if James wasn't too busy with readjusting to his old job and playing hero with Winn, they'd probably notice the bags under her eyes. Or the edge she carried in her voice sometimes. Or how she didn't really rejoice in kicking alien criminal ass anymore.

Lena was the only one with a free plate, really. The company was the same as usual, she said. She was still dealing with her mother but that was a different issue.

Lena didn't judge her.

Kara wasn't ever afraid she would. If she got too drunk sometimes. If she said something too sharp. If she got to be too cruel. If she sobbed uncontrollably or screamed into a mountain or broke something on purpose, Lena didn't judge. Only tried to comfort her afterwards.

And that's really what Kara needed right now. Not to feel judged or not good enough. Like she was a disappointment. But Kara screwed it up. She'd made a drunken mistake.

She didn't know if she could ever face Lena again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I didn't know whether or not to include smut, this is what I decided to churn out. There will probably be smut later though. We'll see. It took me forever to get this chapter written in a way I was semi okay with. But anyway, leave a comment or a kudos. You know the drill. Yell at me or bitch about the characters. Either or. Enjoy your holidays.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara run into each other. They talk among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I've written smut in like like six years so don't expect much and take it easy on me. It turned out a lot longer than I expected but I'm okay with this chapter.

Lena ran into Supergirl the following week. Literally. Or more accurately, Supergirl ran into her. Lena was taking a walk towards a Thai restaurant not too far from L-Corp. She'd been feeling restless and volunteered to go fetch lunch herself instead of having Jess go for her. She hadn't seen her reporter friend in almost a week. But here Kara was. Falling right into Lena as she rounded a corner. 

There was a large, blue alien monstrosity standing aggressively on top of a crushed car. Supergirl barely glanced at Lena before flinging herself back at it. And Lena cursed the day she decided to care for a super. They were so reckless and prone to the most unbelievably, fatally dangerous things. 

Kara did seem to be handling herself just fine though, Lena had to admit. It wasn't long before the alien was an exhausted mess on the ground beneath Kara’s boot. Familiar black and kevlar clad personnel with guns soon stormed the scene. That's when Supergirl speeded over to Lena. “Meet me in your office,” she says. “I'll be there in ten.” 

 

***

“I'm sorry,” they both say simultaneously. Followed by “for what?” 

Kara just shook her head. “Listen, I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. I knew you wanted to help and would've helped me in any way. I shouldn't have made you do that. I'm so, so sorry, Lena-”

“Made me? Kara you didn't make me do anything. If anything I should be apologizing to you. You were drunk. I should've known better-”

“No, it wasn't-”

“Kara-”

They talk over each other until they both concede. “We're both sorry,” Lena says. “That's good enough for me. I just want my best friend back.”

Lena surprises herself at the term best friend. But then again it was true, wasn't it? Kara Danvers was her best and only friend in National City. One of the few people who trusted her and vice versa. 

The next thing Lena knows warm, sinewy arms were wrapping themselves around her. Her face was pressed up against Supergirl’s suit. “Lena, I really don't know what I'd do without you,” Kara uttered. “I'm barely holding on as it is. I can't imagine having to lose you too.”

And there it was.  _ Too.  _ A hint at the numerous people Kara had lost. Most recently Mon-El. Lena couldn't exactly understand, she'd never loved anyone who'd sacrifice themselves for her, but she could understand loss. Her brother was the main example. “You won't lose me, Kara,” Lena says, wrapping her arms around Supergirl’s middle. “You're my only friend. You're kinda all I got.”

Kara laughs, taking it as a joke. Lena laughs with her but she means it. With her family all dead or in prison, basically disowning her, she'd run out of people who cared for her. All she had left was Kara and Jess. And Lena signed Jess’s paycheck. 

After they broke apart from the hug, Lena realized they should probably talk about the sex and the repercussions it had on their friendship. It was the healthy thing to do. Or, at least, Jess would say it was. 

“Kara,” Lena starts but Kara holds up her hand. 

“I know what you're gonna say, Lena. I get it. It was a one-time thing and it can never happen again.”

“Actually, that wasn't what I was gonna say at all.”

“What?”

“What I was gonna say was the sex wasn't, uh, bad and if you ever needed to...blow off some steam or distract yourself again I could help. If you needed something like that.” Lena wasn’t used to being bashful or uncertain. That was Kara’s thing. But her face definitely burning with an unwelcome blush as she spoke. 

“You can?”

“I'd be willing too. It's not like friends with benefits don't exist although I'd prefer it if we didn't call it that. This is more of a therapeutic thing to help lessen your pain. I wanna help in any way I can. If this is what I can offer, sex and comfort, then I'll do it.” Lena meets Kara's eyes. “I just wanna help you. You're my friend. I wanna make you feel better in any way I can.”

“I don't wanna take advantage or make you do anything you don't want to do.”

“Kara, trust me. I wanna do this. I mean, have you seen you? Also, honestly, this is probably the most I'll ever be able to help you personally with anything. I'm not good at actual emotions or healthy coping mechanisms if you couldn’t tell from my last name.”

Kara grins. “Me neither. Being screwed up isn’t exclusive only to Luthors.”

Lena smiles before her face morphs into some kind of thoughtfulness. “We should probably establish some rules.”

“Rules?”

“Yes, rules. We can't just have sex arbitrarily.”

Kara's face burns red. Lena takes some joy in the sight of it. “I mean, we can, but rules are much better for keeping things healthy and clear for both of us.”

Kara bites her bottom lip before letting loose a bewildered sigh, a movement Lena follows very closely with her gaze. “Healthy and clear. Got it.”

Lena figured earlier that if Kara did agree to the proposition she was laying out she would have to take the reins in establishing some boundaries and ground rules. She’d been right in assuming Kara would be a blushing, awkward mess. 

Lena clasps her hands together, easily taking on the role she put on in a boardroom. “First thing I think we should establish is that first and foremost we’re friends. No more. No less. We’ll always be friends. Deal?”

The sincerity Lena finds in Kara’s face is almost astonishing. But, of course, Kara Danvers would treat their friendship as a matter of the utmost importance. The thought touches Lena deeply. Something Kara managed to do a lot. “Deal,” Kara says.

Lena smiles. “Good. Next thing, the sex is like movie nights or lunches, it’s just something we do. There’s no complicated, romantic undercurrent. It’s a remedy, a coping mechanism to help you move on in a less destructive way. I’m assuming you’ll be using me, or, more specifically, my body instead of alcohol.” Lena looks up at Kara expectantly. 

“Y-yes, I’ll try my best. I really will.”

“Good,” Lena says, turning around to face her desk, seemingly ending the conversation.

“What about dating?” Kara asks.

“What about it?”

“Well, I know I’m not really emotionally available or will be anytime soon but what about you?”

“I can assure that dating really isn’t in the cards for me right now. But if it were to ever come up I’d handle it.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Kara, this’ll only work if we’re open and honest with each other. We have to communicate clearly what we’re feeling and any inhibitions, insecurities or any fears we may have as we go about this. Do you promise to do that? To communicate honestly and openly with me?”

“Yes.”

“At any point, if you don’t wanna do this anymore you have to tell me.”

“I will, I promise.”

“Good,” Lena says, clasping her hands together again. “Now I think we should do another proper test run of what happened the other night.”

“Oh, okay...Oh, you mean now?”

“Yes, Kara, now.”

“In your office?”

“Well, we could go to your apartment or any place with a bed if only we knew someone with flying capabilities like a certain red-caped hero.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I could, uh, I could do that.”

“Are you sure? You seem nervous.”

“No, no, I’m good. Perfectly calm. Let me just, uh,” Kara walks over to Lena and manages to pick her up bridal style, Lena’s arms connecting around Kara’s neck.  “There we go.”

“Your place or mine?” Lena asks. 

“I think mine might be closer.”

“Well, lead the way, Supergirl.”

“Okay, right.”

***

Kara can’t say it wasn’t an interesting experience in Lena’s office. 

Kara really ever got to see the CEO side of Lena, the side that ran a multibillion-dollar company and commanded boardrooms and businessmen as if it came naturally. But that’s the side Kara saw as Lena went over the rules she needed to establish. It was impressive, if not a little intimidating. But Kara was used to being intimidated around Lena sometimes. It was hard not to be. 

It disheartened Kara a bit to hear Lena say Kara would be using her, or her body, to be specific. She knew that’s what it was, basically, that that’s what Kara was doing. Even though Lena seemed to be okay with it, proposed it even, Kara still felt a bit hesitant. But that reluctance was quickly eased by the look in Lena’s eyes when she asked Kara to do another “test run”. 

The tone of her voice causing Kara’s stomach to flutter in an anxiously excited way. Like the first time she boarded a rollercoaster her first year on earth. The familiar feeling of her stomach in her throat as she went to hold Lena against her. But the feeling lessened into a sense of warmth as Lena wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck, so close Kara could smell the shampoo of her hair and the perfume along her skin. 

Once Kara managed to fly them into her apartment, mild panic set in. She hadn’t had a drink at all in the last few days. Not since her night out with Lena. She’d been a mixture of too afraid and guilty to get drunk again. 

So she was completely sober as she let go of Lena to watch her walk around her apartment, glancing over everything in sight. Kara didn’t know how to go about “test running” with Lena again. 

The first time she’d been running on liquid courage and some pent-up energy. Right now, Kara was all nerves. Especially as she watched Lena walk around her kitchen with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Do you keep any alcohol here?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Where?”

Kara walks over to where Lena stands next to her sink. She flies up a few feet to retrieve the three bottles she had stashed in the topmost cabinet. 

“Ah. Well, since you promised not to drink anymore, we should get rid of these bottles which you have absolutely no use for.”

Lena began to pour the contents of the bottles down the drain of her sink, one after the other, as Kara watches on in silence against the kitchen counter. 

She wasn’t sad to see the bottles being emptied. It actually warmed Kara to see someone care enough to do that for her even though she knew her thirst for them wouldn’t lessen even with the bottles out of her apartment. It’d take time but Kara knew she could do it eventually. She could make the need for a drink diminish over time. Especially with Lena helping her. Especially if she was substituting Lena for alcohol. 

After the bottles were emptied and placed in Kara’s sink, Lena turns towards Kara, a look on her face that brought the nerves back to her stomach. 

Silently, Lena brings her hands up to Kara’s face. Kara focuses on inhaling and exhaling as Lena’s hands get closer and closer to her face. Close enough to feel the warmth radiating off of them until her hand grazes the skin of Kara’s cheek. 

Kara hadn’t realized her eyes were closed until Lena was taking off her glasses. “Kara, look at me,” Lena says. “Open your eyes.”

Kara does. She opens her eyes to the sight of Lena, close enough for Kara to see the intricate whirl of blues and greens in her eyes. 

It takes Kara a few seconds to notice Lena’s hands over her own, gripping the countertop hard enough to be on the precipice of cracking. “Kara, I need you to relax, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Kara nods quietly, not trusting herself to talk. “Everything’s gonna be okay. We’re not gonna do anything you don’t wanna do. You trust me, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good, ‘cause I would never hurt you or make you do anything you’re not comfortable doing. We don’t have to do anything right-”

“No, I want to. I want to do t-that. With you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, completely.”

“Great,” Lena says. “I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?”

Kara nods. 

At the sight of Lena leaning in, she closes her eyes again. Moments later, she feels the warm pressure of Lena’s lips pressed against hers. The kiss is gentle at first. Exploratory and tentative. Kara follows Lena’s lead. 

Conscious of her hands, Kara tries to remember what she did with them during their first night together. But that train of thought opens a floodgate of memories that causes Kara to burn in equal parts embarrassment and desire. 

Kara settles for placing her hands on Lena’s hips and manages to slip her tongue passed Lena’s lips. The action causes a moan to reverberate between their mouths, courtesy of Lena. The sound lets loose something within Kara. Something that aches and wants and has Kara picking up Lena by the back of her thighs which wrap around Kara easily. 

In seconds, Kara and Lena are horizontal on Kara’s bed, Lena’s hand firmly gripping the back of Kara’s head and Kara wishing they both weren’t wearing so many clothes. Lena breaks the kiss only to attack Kara’s neck in a way that makes her brain short circuit. But not before a thought makes itself heard. 

“You should, uh, we should take off our clothes,” Kara pants and immediately cringes internally at how dorky she sounds. But Lena smirks up at her. She pulls back enough to lean back on her elbows. 

“That’s a good idea,” she says. “Why don’t you go first?”

Kara gulps and leans back on her knees. Shly, she brings her hands up to the button of her shirt. She tries to hide the slight shaking of her hands as she unbuttons the first three buttons. But Lena’s hands stop her before she can continue onto the fourth button. “Let me,” she says, leaning up onto her knees in front of Kara. 

Lena presses her lips against Kara’s again. Her tongue explores Kara’s mouth as she finishes unbuttoning the rest of Kara’s shirt. Kara can feel the airbrush her skin as her shirt falls from her body. 

When Lena goes to unhook her bra, Lena’s mouth is attached sweetly to her neck, sufficiently distracting her from being too embarrassed about being seen naked sober. “You’re doing great,” Lena whispers against her neck as if reading her mind. Which gives Kara enough confidence to begin working on Lena’s clothes as well. 

They’re both naked in a matter of seconds. 

Kara doesn’t trust herself not to self-combust at the sight of a naked Lena so she focuses on remaining locked at the lips. She focuses solely on kissing Lena, too afraid to do anything else until-

“You know you can touch me, right?” Lena says.

“Oh, um, yeah, now I do.”

“You touched me plenty the other night.”

“Lena.”

Lena laughs at Kara’s crimson-colored face. “What? You did a good job.” 

Kara decides to silence Lena with her mouth which Lena has no problem with. Taking Lena’s words into mind, Kara tentatively snakes her hand along Lena’s side, gradually skimming along the skin of her breast. She tries to replicate exactly what she did last time. From the sounds leaving Lena’s mouth, Kara assumes she’s doing a good job.

With an increase in confidence, Kara feels bold enough to slide her hand down to the part of Lena Kara’s most anxious to touch. Kara’s hand ceases at her opening though. “Is this okay?” She asks.

“Yeah,” Lena gasps. “Very okay.”

Kara smirks in response. Gingerly, she inserts one finger into the warmth between her legs and looks up at Lena attentively. “More,” Lena groans. Kara obliges. 

She listens to Lena’s every command of “more”, “harder”, “to the left”, and “a little faster” until she’s a writhing mess underneath Kara. Kara’s name leaves Lena’s mouth in heavy pants between strings of curse words aggressive enough to cause Kara to smolder all over.

“Fuck, Kara,” Lena gasps. 

One hand is clutching the top of Kara’s headboard while the other has a firm grip on Kara’s back. Kara has her face buried in Lena’s neck, too lost in the feel of Lena’s body against hers, shaking and throbbing, to pay attention to anything else but getting her to the point of no return.

“Kara, I’m gonna-I’m-” Lena’s voice cracks in the middle of her statement. Kara takes that as a signal to up her speed and pressure. 

With a final high pitched gasp, Lena unravels beneath her. 

Kara keeps her hand moving, helping Lena ride out her orgasm until Lena places a shaky hand on her wrist. 

“Enough, that’s good,” Lena exhales. 

Kara removes her hand, falling beside Lena and resting her head on top of her shoulder. She focuses on the sound of Lena’s heartbeat, pounding like lightning across the earth in her ribcage before slowing down to a calm thump.

Kara listens to the soothing rhythm similar to rain sliding against her window pane. 

She gets lost in it for a few minutes until Lena breaks the silence of her bedroom. “Are you okay?” Lena asks. Her hand is running softly through Kara’s hair. Between that and the beat of her heart, all Kara wants to do is rest right here next to Lena. 

“Yeah,” she says.

“Do you want me to-”

“No, I’m fine,” Kara says. “Do you mind if we just lay here for a bit?”

“No,” Lena says. “Not at all.”

Minutes later, Kara falls asleep with Lena’s hands running along her scalp and Lena’s heartbeat humming in her ears. The last thought to enter her mind is that she hasn’t felt this relaxed in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, this is the best smut I could turn out right now in the middle of the night. Cut me some slack. 
> 
> Leave a kudos or comment on what you liked and didn't like, what you think will happen, all your ranting and predictions and all that good stuff.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, this one is mainly just me finding an excuse to write fluff and very minor smut. Something to treat myself with. It's also poorly edited because I don't have a beta and I'm in need of a beta. If anyone's interested, hit me up via Tumblr @aiden1985. But anyway, enjoy this train ride.

Kara hadn’t realized how much she had missed physical contact. Specifically, contact with Lena. The first few days after the first time they had slept together were hesitant and awkward, mainly on Kara’s side. But after a week and a half of steadily testing the waters and a few teasing texts from Lena, they began to develop some semblance of a routine. 

Whenever Kara felt especially restless or downtrodden, usually after a few hours at Catco or patrolling as Supergirl, she’d fly over to Lena’s for some stress relieving activity. Which usually consisted of Kara pressed up against something, content to let Lena control almost every aspect of their affections. 

It was an unspoken rule that Kara would come to Lena whenever the urge to drink was present as well. Which was a nearly constant feeling but Kara was managing well enough. 

 

Kara, with much restraint and difficulty, hadn’t had a drink in a little over two weeks. Not since her agreement with Lena. Whenever the thought flickered through her mind, she was at Lena’s feet in minutes. Whether it was at her office or at her apartment, Lena had no qualms about taking the Superhero regardless of the time of the day. 

 

All the physicality of their new relationship was also allowing Kara to further her knowledge of Lena Luthor and all the facts she didn’t know her best friend had hidden. Like the CEO’s tattoo. She had discovered the ink one afternoon, a week into their arrangement during one of the less hurried moments of intimacy they shared. An afternoon where all of the clothes of both parties were shed and they took their time getting a feel for each other’s bodies instead of going straight for a quick release. 

 

Lena had just slipped out of her underwear. She was naked as she straddled Kara, poised on top of her, leaning in and ready to kiss the blonde hero when-

 

“Is that a tattoo?”

 

“What?”

 

Kara’s hands found the curve of Lena’s hip. Her thumb rubbing along the skin and the dark ink imprinted there. 

 

“Is that a-”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It’s beautiful.”

 

The ink etched into the skin above Lena’s hip bone is small, black and thin-lined. It forms five petals of a familiar looking flower. About the size of Kara’s thumb. 

 

“It was my mother’s,” Lena starts then breathes “My birth mother’s favorite flower,” Lena says. “I was too young to remember much of anything of my time with her but I do remember that she loved these flowers. She always had them around.” Lena stares off into the air above Kara. She waits a few seconds, seeing whether or not Lena would continue. “I was feeling especially nostalgic and drunk on my twentieth birthday so this tattoo was a gift to myself. In remembrance of my mother. My birth mother.”

 

Kara sits there, content to let Lena talk. She looks up at her, attempting to ease the tension she can feel beginning to course through Lena’s body. “What do you remember?” Kara decides to ask. 

 

“I remember her taking me to the park a few times. Spending raining days inside with her and bedtime stories. She always tucked me in.”

 

Kara smiles. “She sounds lovely.”

 

“I think she was,” Lena says, the ghost of a frown on her face. “I don’t have too many memories but the memories of her I do have paint a happy picture.”

 

Kara slides her hands up to wound themselves around Lena’s middle. “I’m glad you were happy,” she says. 

 

“I’m still happy,” Lena says. Her hands slide along Kara’s shoulders, her wrists connecting behind Kara’s neck to hold her close to Lena. “Granted, there’s much more death threats and assassinations present today than there were in my early childhood but still,” Lena’s lips hover above Kara’s. “I’m pretty happy with my current position.”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah, a beautiful naked woman beneath me and no pressing issues at work. I’d say I’m doing pretty well for myself currently.”

 

Kara halts their banter with a press of her lips against Lena’s. 

 

***

 

It’s a few weeks later with Lena settled on top of her again when Kara manages to convince Lena to actually hang out with her other friends. It helps that Kara’s hands have found a nice position high on top of Lena’s inner thighs and are teasing the silk lace they find there. “What did you say?” Lena groans. 

 

Kara smirks into the skin just above her breasts. “I want you to hang out with my friends. With me there too, obviously.”

 

There’s a hitch of breath above her as Kara adds a little pressure to her fingertips. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, love,” Lena breathes. They hadn’t discussed it before, probably because its’ not that big of a deal, but Lena had taken to using pet names in their daily interactions. The first slip of ‘darling’ out of Lena’s lips during a scheduled movie night a few weeks back had shaken Kara originally before she grew accustomed it. 

Best friends called each other nicknames all the time. Alex used to call her ‘space head’ and ‘alien breath’ when they were younger which had been a bit offensive at first but Kara grew used to it. Kara didn’t mind Lena calling her ‘love’ and ‘darling’. Not since Lena didn’t mind Kara constantly needing to touch her as if she were mapping out Lena’s body, inch by inch, with her own. 

 

“What do you mean?” Kara continues conversationally, as if Lena isn’t panting above her, her body writhing needily as Kara’s hand find a nipple through her bra. “I think it’s a great idea.”

 

“Kara,” Lena huffs. “Your friends don’t like me.”

 

“That’s not true. They just don’t know you. Which is ridiculous since you’re my best friend and you should know my other closest friends.” 

 

Lena groans in frustration. “Kara, darling, if I say yes will you shut up and fuck me?”

 

Kara gulps. “Yes, ma’am.” 

 

With an airy ‘fine’ sliding out of Lena’s lips, Kara lets her fingers find the place where Lena needs them most and maps out a trail along Lena’s chest with her mouth.

 

***

 

“You know that wasn’t fair,” Lena states afterward. They’re spent on Lena’s couch, sweaty, winded, and heartbeats still racing. Well, Lena is. Kara hasn’t really broken a sweat. Which Lena resents, of course, and loves to grumble over before Kara usually silences her complaints with examples of how beneficial her enduring stamina can be. 

 

“What’s not fair?” Kara asks, smiling sheepishly into Lena’s chest. 

 

“Oh, stop that. You know what,” Lena says. “You can’t ask me serious questions during sex. Not if you want a serious answer.”

 

Kara pouts, snuggling further into the warm skin underneath her mouth. “I’m sorry, I just really really want you to meet my friends. Properly. You’ll love them and I’m sure they’ll love you. Winn already likes you, I’m pretty sure. You’re like his nerd icon.”

 

Lena clicks her tongue and raises her eyes. “Nerd icon?”

 

“Well, you are a giant nerd.” 

 

“Well, don’t you sure know how to sweet talk a girl.”

 

“Well, you are in my lap and we did just have amazing sex so,” Kara smiles smugly. 

 

Lena scoffs and pulls back slightly. “You think you’re charming?” She asks. 

 

“You think I’m not?” Kara counters, leaning towards her. With Lena staring down at her lips, Kara takes that chance to fully close the space between them. Lena melts into her, the air between them already heavy with need, both of them prepared for round two until Kara pulls back. 

 

“Seriously, though, I want you to meet my friends but if you really are uncomfortable with that then you don’t have to. I won’t ever make you do anything you don’t want to do,” Kara states. 

 

“I’ll meet your friends, darling,” Lena says, bringing a hand up to place on Kara’s cheek. “I’m just a little apprehensive about the whole your sister’s girlfriend arrested me thing. I don’t want it to be awkward.”

 

“It won’t. Really,” Kara promises. “Everyone will be on their best behavior.”

 

Lena’s eyes lower back to Kara’s mouth. “Even you?”

 

Kara’s stomach dips in excitement, coiling in a desire that seems to always take over when she’s near Lena. “Not if you don’t want me to.” Lena takes her lip between her teeth, Kara’s eyes following the movement, before attacking Kara’s mouth once again. And that’s the last they talk about the topic.

 

***

 

Finding a time when everyone is free proves to be just as difficult as Kara thought it would be. Although she had had high hopes when Lena first agreed. 

That had been a week earlier and still, there was no exact date is sight since Alex was running on little to no rest between work at the DEO and planning her dream wedding with Maggie. Kara was still angry with her and J’onn about suggesting Lena knew of anything nefarious but she still desperately wanted them to get along. James was still swamped at Catco. Winn was working on some side project he had “couldn’t talk about” but promised, “when it’s ready, I’ll show you and it’ll be awesome.” 

 

Kara sulks over the lack of process, her face morphed into her signature pout, over lunch with Lena in the CEO’s office. “Kara, I will meet your friends, eventually. Everyone just seems to be busy right now,” Lena says, munching on the kale Kara scowled at. 

 

“But I just want them to meet you now so they can hurry up and like you as much as I like you and things won’t be so weird and...tense.”

 

“I know, darling, but for now, you have to be patient. The time will come when the time comes.”

 

“But I’m impatient.”

 

“Darling, I’m sure we’ll have an awkward get together at your house in no time,” Lena says. “In the meantime, I don’t think this salad is doing it for me anymore.”

 

“Well, obviously, salad is for rabbits and-”

 

“That’s not what I meant, Kara.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I’m hungry for something else.”

 

“Well, all I have is potstickers-”

 

“Kara.” Lena meets Kara’s eyes over her desk. She looks over Kara’s body appraisingly before taking her bottom lip between her teeth. An action that has Kara tensing all over. 

 

“Oohhh.”

 

“Kara.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can you come over here, please?”

 

“Yep.”

 

***

 

Surprisingly, it’s Maggie who wrangles everyone together for a last minute game night quickly scheduled to be at Kara’s house since Alex and Maggie’s place has been taken over by bridal magazines and several seating chart layouts. 

Apparently, according to the group text sent out by Maggie, her future sister-in-law wanted to do something fun and easy-going to relieve some of the stress Alex was putting herself under. 

Game night with her friends was the choice that won out that didn’t involve, according to Maggie, “buying high priced lingerie and finding an alternative use for my handcuffs.” Kara gagged as she read that last bit of the text. 

 

Excitedly, Kara looks up Lena’s contact name before pressing call on her phone. 

 

“Kara?” Lena’s voice slid through the receiver. “What’s up, love?”

 

“Hey, I, uh, know this is short notice and you’re probably gonna work yourself to death tonight even though you're supposed to leave the office at seven but my friends and I are gonna have an impromptu game night at my place tonight. Do you wanna come over?”

 

“Darling, I would love to, but I have several conferences with overseas partners and so much paperwork to get through. I could probably come by tonight but it wouldn’t be until much later in the night, I’m afraid.”

 

Kara tries not let the disappointment seep into her voice. “Well, that’s fine. You coming over at all would be great. I can’t really stand sleeping alone since…”

 

“Do you want me to sleepover?”

 

“Only if you want to, you don’t have to.”

 

“I’d love to. Your bed is much comfier than mine. Plus, it comes with a living, alien body heater.” 

 

“I have to be warm since you hog the sheets.”   
  


Kara grinned at Lena’s audible gasp through the phone. “I do not!”

 

“Do too.” 

 

“Well, at least, I don’t snore.”

 

“That was one time and I had a weird, alien flu.”

 

“Sure, love. I’d hate to cut this short but I had a meeting with investors five minutes ago and Jess is giving me the evil eye.”

 

“Tell her I say hi.”

 

Kara hears Lena deliver Kara message to Jess which is followed by “get off the phone with your girlfriend. You’re acting like a lovesick teenager and there’s investors waiting in the other room.”

 

“Kara, I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

 

“Okay, bye, I’ll text you.”

 

***

 

At a little after seven, Kara opens her door to James carrying numerous boxes of pizza, Winn carrying his Wii, and a hesitant Alex behind a grinning Maggie. She leaves Alex and Kara standing in the kitchen in favor of going to help the boys set up in the living room. 

 

Alex turns towards Kara, eyes downcast apologetically. “Listen,” she starts, “Maggie told me what I asked of you, concerning Lena, might have come off as insensitive and a bit douche-ish so I’m here to apologize. And to also, kick Winn’s ass at bowling again.” 

 

“She not evil, Alex,” Kara says. “She’s not like Lex or Lillian. She’s my best friend.”

 

“I know you believe that Kara, and I know she’s your best friend. I’m not disputing that. I’m not here to argue. I just wanna hang out with my sister and her weird friends and my amazing fiance.”

 

“You know, they’re your friends, too.”

 

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” Alex says, watching Winn manage to trip and tangle himself up in numerous wires as James and Maggie attempted to arm wrestle. Alex tosses an arm around Kara’s shoulders. “Let’s go handle them before they break something.”

 

Kara laughs and leans into Alex’s embrace, relishing the feeling of being close to her sister again. They make their way into the living room, attempting to set Winn free and urge Maggie and James to draw since it was clear neither of them was going to win. 

 

Throughout the night, Kara sends several texts to Lena, most garnering a reply back quickly. 

 

She held onto the small hope that Lena would somehow be able to leave work early and finally hang out with her friends. But the replies Kara gets in return to her texts aren’t promising. She manages to keep herself invested in the games at hand most of the night but catches herself wondering how Lena is doing, what complicated work she’s doing and how tired she’s going to be after having overworked herself again? Kara gets lost in her thoughts for a moment before realizing it’s her turn in Uno. 

 

Several hours later and after several upturned board games, everyone is packing up and calling it a night. Everyone departs with a hug and a promise to call later or see each other at work the next day. 

 

Throughout game night and especially during everyone’s departure, a feeling overcomes Kara. A familiar warmth she hasn’t felt in a long time that fills her and sustains her. Kara couldn’t remember the last time she had hung out with almost all of her friends in the same room. It almost brought tears to her eyes at how much she missed it. But she manages to keep dry eyes and a grin on her face as she says goodbye to everyone at the door. 

 

After everyone’s left and the door is shut, Kara walks back to her living room, situating herself on her coach to wait for Lena. Who manages to knock at her door, not even a half an hour later. 

 

“Sorry, it’s so late, darling,” Lena greets Kara with a peck at the door before walking over towards the kitchen isle. “The investors were driving me insane and there was some trouble with my R&D department. It was a hectic day.”

 

“You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re one of the most powerful women in National City, I get it,” Kara says. “I had a tiring night and it sounds like you did, too, so we could just go straight to bed and cuddle if you want?”

 

Lena hums. “I’d like nothing more.” 

 

“Great, I’ll get you a pair of PJs’.”

 

“PJs’?”

 

“Well, you’re not sleeping in your skirt and blouse.”

 

“Your pajamas better not have food, animals or stains on them.”

 

“That’s very picky of you but I’ll see what I can find.”

 

After giving Lena a pair of plain black sweatpants and a National City University sweatshirt, Kara climbs into bed next to her. Lena’s arm automatically curves around Kara’s middle to hold her back against Lena’s front, head tucked into Kara’s neck. 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to hang out with your friends,” Lena mumbles sleepily.

 

“It’s okay. There’ll be other game nights and stuff.”

 

“I’ll do my best to be at every one of them from now on.” With that, Lena nuzzles into Kara’s shoulder before soft and steady intakes of breath fill the room. A little while later, Kara slips softly into sleep, feeling content and safe with Lena wrapped around her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it. I would have edited better but I can't edit my own things so I need a beta. Anyone interested you know where to find me, i.e, look above at the beginning notes. 
> 
> I say I'm close to my favorite concept scene of this story but am I really? My time management skills and motivation say no but we'll see.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think? I tried my best, okay? I wrote this on no sleep and without any good fluff left. Cut me some slack. I'm only one small boy.


End file.
